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Why We Don’t Beg People to Stay

I have a firm rule as a pastor. I DO NOT beg (or ask) people to stay at New Passion.

I’ve always had my reasons why, but this verse, though simple, is very profound, I couldn’t have said it better myself…

These people left our churches, but they never really belonged with us; otherwise they would have stayed with us. When they left, it proved that they did not belong with us. 1 John 2:19

Here are a few of my (personal) reasons…

1. Protection – Jesus warned against false prophets who come in the church dressed as one of the sheep, but are as vicious wolves on the inside (Matthew 7:15). I believe this verse can be extended beyond “prophets” to those who would prey on the flock God has entrusted into my leadership and the leadership of the other church leaders. It is my responsibility to care for this flock that Jesus entrusted to me (1 Peter 5:2 “Care for the flock that God has entrusted to you. Watch over it willingly…“)

    Why do “wolves” prey on the flock?
  • Sexual Gain – There are people who’ll infiltrate the church to manipulate members of the opposite sex for sexual gain.
  • Financial Gain – There are people, especially in businesses who rely on sales, marketing, and networking who will infiltrate the church to prey on others financially to build their own businesses and to profit personally from the people within the church. This is one of the reasons the “rich” and “successful” people flock to the largest churches in town, it’s good for business because there’s more people to “befriend.” And we all know that’s why Jesus established His church.
  • Wicked Intentions – The fact is…there are evil people in this world and they have wicked intentions (whatever category they fall in). You are not going to convert a wolf into a vegetarian. Their nature is to devour meat. A “spiritual” wolf’s nature is to produce wickedness. Their goal is to cause chaos and destruction in the church. As Matt Chandler once asked, [paraphrased] “Would you dip your kids in blood and allow them to play with wolves?” “So why would we be okay with wolves hanging around our flock?

2. Preferences – The fact is, everyone has different preferences when it comes to church, and New Passion is not for everyone. We understand that and we are okay with that. Some people like chocolate ice cream, others prefer vanilla, while smart people (like me) choose strawberry. An Italian came along one day and decided he’d put all three together and it became known as “Neapolitan” Ice Cream. This would later become the blueprint for the church that offers a little bit of everything for everyone with a traditional service, contemporary service, Sunday School, and Small Groups. That’s okay for them, but it’s not for us. Our style is modern. Some people like a traditional style of worship or even a more toned down contemporary style. We know that people are going to come check us out and not everyone will be looking for what we are offering. That’s okay! It would be pointless to try and beg people to stay in an environment that they are uncomfortable with.

3. Prompting – Bottom-line, God leads people away from ministries in order to use them in other places. To try  and convince people to “stay” with your ministry is selfish and could serve as potential confusion for those trying to discern the still small voice of God that is prompting them to serve in another capacity within another ministry. This is usually easy to recognize because these people will be faithful servants already serving or attempting to serve in the church where God placed them for that season. Some people will use this as an excuse to make it easier to leave because they fear confrontation and it’s pretty easy to discern, because they aren’t really faithfully serving in the present where they are at. Let them go! If we have someone who is faithfully serving, but feels God is prompting them to move to another ministry, we will do our very best to support them and pray for them as God uses them in a new capacity.

    I was never the guy that dated a girl, broke up, dated again, broke up, dated again, etc, etc. I just didn’t see the point. I’ve been a part of churches where people would go to the leadership and announce that they felt it was time they found another church and through various forms of manipulation and “new” positions and jobs within the church, they would feel guilty and stay. In the end, the results were the same, but they spent several more months in misery. The reality is, no one can give me a single reason why any church or leader or pastor should beg anyone to stay…..yeah I didn’t think so.

    If you start the habit of babying people, you have to keep it up! If you beg people to stay because they are big givers, well, then I believe you are a faithless, hireling, and people’s money will always control you.

    Anyway, I would love to hear your thoughts on the matter. This is solely my personal opinion 🙂

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    Reflections on 30 Years of Life

    Well tonight at 9:35 p.m. (and not a second earlier) I will enter into the infamous old man’s club, as I enter my third decade of life. I want to use this post to reflect on some of my memories both good and bad over the last 30 years, so enjoy a little bit of my life….

    • I remember that first evening at St. Joseph Hospital in Augusta, GA. It was cold, I really wish they would make hospitals a little warmer for new babies, however, that could not take away from being the best looking baby born that night December 16, 1980. I remember the doctors saying out of all 25 babies born that night, I was also the best behaved, and I looked the most like Jesus. They were so kind!
    • I spent most of my childhood with a chipped tooth. In most of the pictures where I am smiling as a child you can see it. It really didn’t bother me, it was kind of like a badge of honor. I was kind of sad the day it fell out.
    • I used to not be able to pronounce the “R” sound. I would say it like a “W” – My fourth grade speech therapist threatened to cut the little thing under my tongue. I learned to say the “R” sound.
    • I was convinced for a LONG time, like up until last year, that Santa Clause was real, because a dad dressed up and sat out on his porch at the corner house on Heard Ave. peering into his child’s bedroom. Wait…I hope it was the child’s dad.
    • I used to love going to the Mall and eating at “Corn Dog”  and getting an Orange Julius. Those were great times.
    • There is a seafood restaurant in Augusta called T’s. I liked going there because I thought “Mr. T” owned it.
    • I loved watching Knight Rider, the A-Team, the Fall Guy, Air Wolf, CHiPs, The Justice League, Transformers, their poor man knock-offs the Gobots, and I loved Saturday Cartoons along with USA’s Cartoon Express.
    • I love(d) Superman.
    • I am Superman.
    • I collected all of the Justice League Characters.
    • I wasn’t allowed to watch the Smurfs growing up. My dad was a very strict for a while, until we took him to a Third Day concert.
    • I grew up in some very legalistic, fundamental churches.
    • I am still in therapy.
    • Honestly: I am thankful for the Christian heritage and foundation that God has given me. I am thankful for every Church and Christian who has invested in my life. I believe that it’s through those churches and people that I have found God for who I know him to be today. I love what Acts 17:27 says, “His purpose was for the nations to seek after God and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him—though he is not far from any one of us.” I believe He placed me where I could find him best.
    • I used to love going to my Granny’s house on Friday nights. Most of our family would be there. We grew up together and all of us are very close. We dressed up and performed songs for our family, we played together in the play room, and it was awesome when Granny would open “K-Mart” (the back room where she kept the toys she found on clearance) to give us a special toy. My cousins always put me up to asking Granny to open K-Mart, even after my dad told me in the car, “Don’t ask for anything!” So, Granny would open K-Mart, give us a toy, and then I got to stand in the corner. I think my Cousins owe me.
    • My Granny died one early Saturday morning after one of our visits on Saturday night. I miss her.
    • I love(d) going to my Grandma and Grandpa’s house in Covington, GA. I’d go up for week’s at a time and I would help my Grandparents work and Grandma would take us shopping at Sears. They took me on a tour of parts of the U.S. from Georgia to Florida to Illinois to New York City, and then another trip to Cherokee and Santa Land. Those were good times!
    • I am thankful for great parents who raised me in a Christian home. For a mom who stayed at home to raise my brother and sisters. She was doing backyard Bible clubs with my family and cousins before they were cool. I am thankful for a dad who at many times worked multiple jobs to make it possible for my mom to stay at home with us and to do Backyard Bible clubs.
    • We used to have a Sky City right behind our house, so we would walk to it during the day. I would ALWAYS get a free coke out of the coke machine. My cousins would even go bang on the machine before me to try and get one first. It didn’t work. It only worked for me. It was crazy! My family was poor, so me and my sister and all of my cousins (8 total kids) would cram into this little machine that played a quick cartoon for .25 cents.
    • I was a Coke-a-holic. I hate drinking water, so all I used to drink was Coke.
    • My parents tried to limit my intake of Coke.
    • It didn’t work. I was 50 pounds overweight three years ago, mainly because of Coke.
    • I lost 53 pounds and went from 193 lbs to 140 lbs, I am now around 145.
    • I knocked myself out in Middle School. I was running and tripped and landed with a curb up my ribs. My girlfriend (not to be confused with the love of my life mentioned next) cried, she thought I was dead!
    • In 6th grade I met the love of my life. She didn’t know it yet. In fact I had to persuade her to be my girlfriend with a box of chocolates.
    • I broke up with her a couple of weeks later because my best friend dumped her best friend.
    • She practically begged me to take her back when I was in 12th grade. We’ve been together ever since.
    • I have the most beautiful, stubborn, kind, hardheaded, patient, hardworking, frustrating, and loving wife. I have been honored to be married to her for a third of my life (10 years for the math challenged).
    • She won’t leave me alone and I can’t tell her no, so God has blessed us with three amazing children, Gavin, Tristan, and Hailey.
    • I attend the greatest church in the world, New Passion Church. We have one of the greatest looking pastors in the world! We are on the brink of seeing God do amazing things through our church. I can’t wait to be a part of it!
    • It would be a mockery of God to not acknowledge that I am truly a blessed man. God has done great things in my first 30 years, I cannot wait to see what he does in the next 30 years.
    • If you are reading this and you know me. Thank you for being a part of my first 30 years! My memory may fade and I may not know you after today (you know us old people) but I am grateful for you.
    • In honor of my birthday, you can help make memories for people in Africa that do not have clean water. A donation of any amount towards my birthday campaign will help provide clean water for many people who may not live to see 30 without it!
    • http://mycharitywater.org/nickcarnes
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    Depends and Bifocals

    Well. It’s almost here. At 9:35 p.m. tomorrow (and not a second earlier) I will turn the big 30! I guess I need to carve out some time Friday morning to go get sized for my new life of Depends. I probably need to go by Eye Glass World or somewhere like that to treat myself to a brand new pair of bifocals too. We’re going to Sconyers BBQ on Friday night for my birthday, so I really can’t delay getting these things done if I want to read the menu, and only God knows what will happen with my bladder and digestive system as of 9:35 p.m. tomorrow, so I definitely CANNOT delay with the Depends, those will be top priority. I would hate to have an embarrassing episode, but then again, I will be a rookie goldy oldie so I guess it’s expected.

    I wonder if 30 among the elderly is like being a freshmen in high school. I fear being hazed by the older, older people. I guess I’ll have to keep a close eye on my dentures and walker so no one hides them. You know how our memory gets lost with everything else, I’ll never find them if they get a hold of them.

    While my memory is still flickering slightly better than it will be at 9:35 p.m. tomorrow night. I must remind you, because I know everyone reading this is ringing their hands right now and are nervous that you have not bought be a birthday gift. So, you are thinking that you are going to have to go battle the Christmas traffic or the long lines to get me the very best gift in the world. But, do not be afraid! That seems to sound familiar. Although I know you were going to lavish me with wonderful gifts, I must decline. I am asking you to celebrate the 30 wonderful years God has blessed me with by blessing those in Africa who do not have clean water. Many children will not live to see this ripe old age of 30 because they don’t have usable water. Will you go give a gift of any size to this effort? Instead of going out and buying that pack of Depends for me, you may want to give the equivalent amount (approx. $13) towards my campaign, or if you are really feeling generous you can give $1 per year I’ve been alive, that will provide 1.5 people water for the next 20 years!  The direct link to the gift giving site is: http://mycharitywater.org/nickcarnes

    P.S. Billy Wilson says he and Seree went to the Apple Store to buy me an iPad for my birthday when he pulled up my blog in the store and saw that I was  asking for water instead. So, they put the iPad back. Do me a favor and please go to Billy’s Facebok page, his Twitter, and/or his Email and help remind him and Seree to donate the equivalent amount of money for an iPad in a water donation to my campaign, since they were feeling so generous this Birthday season!

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    Nobody Loves Me, Everybody Hates Me

    In one week my life changes forever. I leave these glory days known as the 20’s behind for a much darker, scarier land full of broken hips, bad eye sight, and dentures. Yes, on December 16, just seven days away, I enter my 30’s. All I know is that it will be a depressing week!

    What makes it more depressing is that I have recently discovered that the only people who love me is my sister and her family and (updated) my parents. See, they are the ONLY ones who have given clean water to families in Africa in honor of my birthday (insert guilt here). It is almost too much to bear thinking that those poor (literally) children will suffer because of people’s lack of love for me (insert more guilt here).

    Or, maybe it’s the curse of my birth, being born in December. I remember those Christmas mornings where family members would tell me that my birthday gift was included in the same box as my Christmas gift, so I would tear into the package to see what I got, and somehow it was the same gift my cousins next to me got too. I guess my cousins were celebrating my birthday with me or maybe they thought I was too young to notice. I understand that December is a tight, difficult month for some, I guess people don’t need water in December, in fact they should just learn to wait until February, after all, someone needs another fruitcake or silly tie they will never wear while telling you it’s awesome (Yes, everyone without a December Birthday should feel guilty here)!

    So, maybe God (or guilt) has moved in your heart and you realize you’ve found a little bit of love for me. Okay, maybe it’s not enough love for $30 ($1 per year of my birth) worth of water to provide 1.5 people clean water for 20 years, but maybe it’s $5 or $10 or $20 worth of love. If you have discovered that you love me in any amount, you can go ahead and send that love gift to Charity:Water on my behalf.

    …Can you feel the love tonight?

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    Re-Repost: He Must Be A South Pole Elf

    This post is becoming an annual tradition for me. I can’t help it. This is one of my favorite scenes from a Christmas movie ever. I get a ton of hits on it from Google Searches for “He Must Be a South Pole Elf” -In fact if you google the phrase I’m currently coming up #3 🙂

    If I had to rank my three favorite Christmas movies they would be as follows: (but not necessarily in any order) 1. The Christmas Story 2. Its a Wonderful Life and 3. Elf

    I love the part where Will Ferrell asks, “Does Santa know you left the workshop?” Classic! Enjoy this video and then Join the Conversation and tell us what your favorite Christmas movie(s) is/are? Merry Christmas!