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Confession: My Son Got in Trouble and I Did His Work for Him

When I was a child, if I did something wrong, or was set up by my older sister, my dad would spank me with a brown, leather belt.

As I got a little older, if I did something wrong, or was set up by my older sister, my dad would spank me with a wood cutting board he made into a paddle.

As I became a pre-teen and teenager, my dad began assigning me Bible verses to write, or he’d make me look up every. single. Bible. verse. pertaining to my fault (I.E. If I was caught lying, I was given his Thompson Chain  Reference Bible and was required to write every verse connected with honesty, truth, and etc; essentially any verse the was the opposite behavior of lying). 

On many occasions I have also given my children Bible verses to write. I believe as we insert scripture, it helps reveal the wrong in our hearts and shows us where to correct course and align our hearts and life with the heart and life God calls us to live.

I utilized this same “discipline” in the substance abuse program I used to manage. I initiated a Bible verse writing program for policy infractions. The men hated it, but most of the men who were successful in the program, and had to write Bible verses along the way, would eventually thank me for the writing assignments. The theory was to put in the truth (the good) to push out the bad (that which was causing the infractions).

Tristan got in trouble last night, so I assigned him a Bible verse writing assignment. I initially told him he had to write Romans 13:1-3, 100x’s, but after realizing how long that passage is for him, I changed it to 30x’s. Before making any changes, I allowed him to write 10 verses and then asked him what the verse said and what it meant. He was able to clearly communicate it to me (which was part of my main goal). Between homework and his diligent writing, it took him until 9 p.m. to write 12 verses (it’s VERY long). 

At some point during the night I had a thought that I wanted to teach him the gospel through this situation. Yes, he needs to obey his teachers, his parents, and any other adults that have authority over him. He needs to learn that discipline, especially as an impressionable young man, but at his impressionable age he also needs to learn the gospel. God is not pleased with us just because we follow the rules; God does not accept us because we follow all of the rules. Forgiveness and salvation are not a result of our following all of the rules. It’s solely based on our faith in Jesus and what he did for us.

So, how could I teach him the gospel?

Take his punishment for him.

Tristan sinned in his behavior and earned the right to be disciplined. I assigned the penalty for his sin and then I paid the penalty I assigned to him, for him.

I wrote Tristan’s Bible verse assignment for him. I didn’t want to. It was painful. I wanted to stop and just say I forgive the debt, but that wasn’t the full picture of the gospel. Yes, God could have just said our sin debts were forgiven and he could have wiped them all clean, but he didn’t do that. God established specific requirements that had to be fulfilled in order for our sins to be forgiven. When we couldn’t fulfill God’s requirements for forgiveness, he sent his Son, Jesus to pay our penalty on our behalf.

God assigned the penalty for our sin and then God paid that penalty for us.

Jesus suffered and he sacrificed so we could be forgiven.

[tweetthis]God assigned the penalty for our sin and then God paid that penalty for us.[/tweetthis]

Here’s an interesting lesson I learned: As painful as it was for me to write his sentences for him to fulfill my own requirements, there was an excitement within me to be able to give this gift to him. I want Tristan to experience a fresh perspective of the gospel, but I think in the process I personally gained a fresh perspective of God, as my Father. If I was excited to give this gift to my son, how excited is God to give us his gift of salvation? His gift of forgiveness? His gift of mercy and grace? It cost him greatly, but he does not offer this gift to us begrudgingly; he gives it freely, lovingly, and with joy.

As Christians, God doesn’t want us begrudgingly living for or serving him. He wants us to live for him as a response to his love and grace, because we want to, not because we have to. My hope is that my children won’t just obey because they fear having to write Bible verses, or fear detention at school, or some other form of discipline. Instead, I hope they will live an honorable, productive, God-honoring life in response to God’s love and in response to their parent’s love; because they want to, not because they have to. 

Join the Conversation: As Christian parents, what are ways you’ve been able to teach or demonstrate the gospel to your children through your discipline processes or in general?

 

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Cold Fries

secrets-giving-day-old-french-fries-delicious-second-life.1280x600

There’s nothing like fresh, hot, crispy, and perfectly salted, golden french fries!

I recently went to a restaurant and ordered a meal that included fries. As soon as I received my meal, I noticed my fries didn’t look fresh, hot, crispy, or golden. The whole order looked cold,  flimsy, and brown.

I touched one. It felt stale and was lukewarm at best.

I tried one. It tasted like it looked.

I tried a second, just to make sure. It was the same outcome.

I was disappointed at the order of fries I was given and my immediate thoughts were, “I’m not going to enjoy these fries.” And, “I better eat them quickly before they get completely cold.” I even looked through them to see if I could pick out the “best” looking fries and just eat those.

I was going to settle for mediocre.

I had my reasons: I didn’t want to be “that” customer….the complaining customer. I didn’t want them thinking I let my own fries get cold, but then expected them to give me a fresh order (although this was less than 2 minutes after receiving the fries), I didn’t want to have to wait longer to receive new fries. I had reasons to settle and probably could have come up with even more excuses….reasons to settle for the poor quality.

Nicki and I used to watch Hell’s Kitchen on Fox. On the show two teams of chefs competed against each other; each chef hoping to win the championship as the top overall chef. Eventually the contestants were dismissed from the show if they were the weak link on the losing team. I noticed something small within the show that has significant value. The Master Chef, Gordon Ramsey, would typically be the last eyes on the plates leaving the kitchen. If the plate didn’t reflect the quality he expected from a high scale restaurant, he rejected it and made the team start over on that dish. It would set the team back in their competition, but it also taught a valuable lesson, one my dad taught me growing up, “Do the job right the first time!”

While it’s easy to point out that the restaurant allowed poor quality food to leave their kitchen; or point out that the poor quality reflects their standards for what they allow to represent them as an organization. I have to equally look at myself and own up to how easily I was willing to settle for mediocre. I paid for something, but was going to accept less than what I paid for. Instead of expecting high quality I was going to settle for poor quality.

As a leader, I know there are times I have settled for mediocrity and allowed my church or other work teams to do the same; it’s something that I have to actively fight against.

Everyone is not willing to settle for mediocre, even if we are. If you’re the leader of an organization, any organization, this should be a sobering reality. Just because you’re willing to settle for mediocrity doesn’t mean your customer, client, or congregant is willing to settle, or will settle.

[tweetthis]Everyone is not willing to settle for mediocre, even if we are.[/tweetthis]

Why do leaders settle for serving people cold fries?

Why do leaders allow medicority? Why are we okay with our organization & those who represent our organization offering poor quality and less than our best?

Here are a few reasons why we settle and what we need to avoid:

  1. Convenience:

It’s much easier on the front-end to ignore the cold, brown fries. “Maybe the customer won’t notice or won’t care. It’s easier to serve what’s in front of me than do a little bit of extra work to give my customer the best!”

  • Hopefully they’ll settle for our mediocre children’s environment
  • Hopefully they won’t run into one of our unfriendly, cold employees or volunteers
  • Hopefully they won’t mind the bad & out-of-tune music
  • Hopefully they won’t care our products are cheap, but overpriced
  • Hopefully they will ignore our clutter and disorganization

It’s more convenient to serve cold fries than it is to take 3-minutes to cook a fresh order. It’s a gamble, but you come out on top if the customer doesn’t complain, right? But, if you gamble and lose and the customer isn’t willing to settle, it still requires the same amount of work on the back-end to make things right, but only after the customer’s perception of you and your organization takes a negative hit.

It’s convenient and easier to overlook areas of weakness, poor quality, tension, and mediocrity  that needs addressing or correcting on the front-end, but when those things aren’t accepted by those you’re trying to reach, you won’t just have to make up ground to correct the problem, you’ll have to make up ground to restore the negative perception and reputation of your organization (and those who represent it).

The bigger issue isn’t a willingness to settle for mediocrity to hopefully save a few minutes of work on the front-end. It’s never just one incident that causes your team a few minutes of time and effort. The bigger issue is the culture and values of the organization. These are never one time issues; these issues reflect what the organization and its leaders are willing to accept and tolerate. It reflects what your company or church values. Where the organization must spend the most time and effort on the front-end is not cooking fresh, hot fries. They must invest the most time and effort instilling the organization’s values. If the organization values excellence and desires a culture of excellence where each team member offers God and their people (clients/customers/etc) their very best, it will require inconvenience on the front-end to teach and train their team to reflect those values in even the most mundane, daily routines.

Don’t compromise for the sake of convenience! The cost to your organization’s reputation is more than you may be willing to pay.

  1. Lack of Awareness:

Who likes having to be the complaining customer? No one I know. Sometimes people won’t tell you about their experience with your organization. We don’t always hear the complaints or the concerns verbalized to us so we can make the necessary changes. When your organization settles for mediocre, there’s a chance people won’t give you feedback about it. They won’t bring the cold, flimsy fries to your attention, but they will definitely express their displeasure. They will definitely remember their experience and they will either approve or disapprove of that experience with their feet. They’ll either approve by returning to your church or business, or they will disapprove by finding a place that doesn’t settle for poor quality, especially when it’s in your power to fix it.

The question we have to ask ourselves is, “Am I even aware of the quality my organization offers people?” My fries didn’t become cold, flimsy, and brown when they touched my table. The cook could have paid attention & noticed their condition. The lady who brought the food to my table could have paid attention and noticed the poor quality. Both of these employees could have been empowered to see a problem and be proactive to fix it. Either one of them could have said, “That doesn’t reflect our standards and it doesn’t represent the quality our restaurant promises our customers, let me fix that before it gets to the customer!” Instead the cold, brown fries passed through two sets of eyes from people who were okay with mediocrity.

We can’t rely on our customers to tell us where we are settling for mediocrity. We have to be aware of our own organization and we have to be proactive to fix what needs fixing.

What do you see in your organization? Can you see the areas where you or your team is settling for mediocrity? Do you see the areas where you have challenges? Or, are you so ingrained and familiar with your surroundings that you’re oblivious to the things that need improvement? After a while, brown fries look like fries; cold fries look like fries; flimsy fries look like fries, you can’t see the difference. Problems, challenges, and tensions are forgotten because they’ve always been there and they’re familiar now. If you’re having a hard time seeing what your organization is serving, try asking your customers for feedback. Ask a trusted friend from outside the organization to pay a visit with fresh eyes and an outsiders perspective to give you honest and constructive feedback. Don’t overlook what you offer people or you may find they overlook your organization.

[tweetthis]Don’t overlook what you offer people or you may find they overlook your organization[/tweetthis]

  1. Calm over Turbulence: 

Nicki and I went on our very first cruise for our 10th anniversary. Since I had never been on a cruise I didn’t know what to expect. After boarding the ship, we sat out on the top deck when suddenly I realized we were no longer at the dock and had moved quite a distance from where we boarded. The boat was so smooth I couldn’t even tell it was moving. That calmness didn’t last long. It seemed as soon as we lost sight of land the waters got more turbulent and the ship no longer moved peacefully. The boat rocked and we could feel it!

We heard several experienced cruisers say the waters were abnormally rough. Let’s be honest, no one likes being on a ship in the middle of the ocean when it’s rocking in rough waters. No one likes to be on an airplane 30,000 feet in the air during rough turbulence. As much as I would have preferred calm waters, we learned it was necessary to go through some turbulence to get to the crystal clear tropical beaches of the Bahamas, St.Thomas, and St. Maarten.

It may be more convenient and comfortable to not rock the boat so you can stay in calm waters, but that’s not always possible. As leaders, we have to keep our destination in mind and play the long game. Where are we trying to get as an organization? To get our organization and team to our desired destination, we may have to go through turbulent waters to get there. We have to be willing to address issues that are preventing us from getting to our destination. We may have to be willing to tackle tension, strengthen weaknesses, and confront conflict to get our organization to the place where its serving quality rather than mediocrity.

[tweetthis remove_twitter_handles=”true”]To get our organization and team to our desired destination, we may have to go through turbulent waters to get there[/tweetthis]

You may be a mid-level team member with little to no authority, but if you know the ship’s destination and you see an iceberg in the way, you have to be willing to alert the right people to the iceberg, or no one gets to the desired destination. Eventually you all go down on a sinking ship.

You can’t always get to where you’re going by staying in calm waters. You may have to take a risk by telling the manager that the fries are flimsy and cold. It may rock the boat for some, but in the end everyone gets to the same destination, if they can navigate through the necessary rough waters, together.

As a consumer, I didn’t settle for mediocre. I requested fresh fries. My new order was fresh, hot, and delicious! The restaurant recovered and corrected the problem. We don’t always get this opportunity. As a leader, put the work in up front and make sure your team knows your organization’s values and culture so you don’t settle for mediocre.

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NewSpring Church, Perry Noble, and Addiction

Perry Noble - NewSpring Church

By now, you have probably heard the news that NewSpring Church removed Perry Noble as their Senior Pastor, effective July 1, 2016. NewSpring has provided the statement their pastors and Pastor Advisory Team wrote to their church, as well as Perry’s statement, he wrote to the church.

This post is not intended to speculate beyond anything NewSpring or Perry Noble has already shared with us concerning his removal. It is intended to provide some information on alcoholism and addictions that people seem to be fairly ignorant about and therefore expressing disagreement with NewSpring for removing Perry. Although addictions have touched virtually every family in one way or another, very few people truly understand the beast. This is why there are not only groups like Celebrate Recovery, AA & NA, but there’s also Al-Anon groups for families of those who deal with addictions. Al-Anon provides the family member support, as well as information about what their family member is struggling with. I don’t write to you simply from a pastoral background, but I write these things as a former manager of a long-term residential rehabilitation program. In my tenure as the program manager we made the gospel the center of all we did and as a result we saw the program increase its graduation rate by 360% as well as major improvements in relapse prevention (less people returning to the program). I will not approve any comments that attack Perry Noble as a man or as a pastor. We will offer love and support for Perry because he is a brother in Christ and has fallen. We will offer love and support to his family because they are sisters in Christ and are struggling. We will offer love and support for NewSpring because they are the bride of Christ and need his guidance at this time.

One of the biggest questions and/or statements I have seen from people who disagree with NewSpring’s removal of Perry is that they should have given him a couple of months off, given him a sabbatical, or something along those lines to get his act together and then allow him to return to his role as pastor of NewSpring. The second question against NewSpring is “Where is the grace?” or a straight accusation that they have not given him grace by removing him from his role as pastor. Here are some facts about addictions and how they work and why I support NewSpring’s decision 100%:

[tweetthis]Here are some facts about addictions and how they work and why I support NewSpring’s decision 100%[/tweetthis]

Perry NoblePerry Noble Must Go First: As elementary as it seems, Perry Noble cannot get help until he realizes that he has a problem with alcohol. According to both statements, it is apparent that the church attempted to help him for quite some time with no success. This may be because Perry was not ready to receive help. He may or may not be now. I remember years before getting into drug and alcohol rehabilitation, I went to my friend Lee, who was the director of our Celebrate Recovery and told him a family member needed help with drugs. His only question to me was, “Is he asking for the help or do you just see he needs help?” Some of may say that in his statement he has admitted to having a problem and is seeking Psychiatric help. I think this is great, but from my experience I would encourage you to allow time to tell. Many people who struggle with addictions will make similar moves because mom threatens to kick them out of the house, their spouse says they’re leaving, or their job threatens to fire them; it’s a reactionary move. It’s to show enough compromise to give the appearance of change, so they can maintain their addiction and keep the life they’re living. Until Perry (or anyone) sees for themselves that they have a serious addiction problem, he will not change or recover from his addiction. Many people have to hit rock bottom first.

You Cannot Define Rock Bottom for an Addict: You may say, “Being removed from the church you started 20 years ago and have had great success with (over 30,000 in attendance) is rock bottom!” I disagree, and once again urge patience. You would be amazed at what “rock bottom” looks like for some people. For some, it’s just the threat of having their family fall a part or the loss of a job. For others, it’s homelessness or a doctor telling them another sip of alcohol could be their last because their liver is so damaged from the abuse. We see a nice, clean cut, highly successful, smart pastor like Perry Noble and think his rock bottom would be a shallow fall, but you would be mistaken. My hope is that his fall is shallow and short lived, but I’ve seen the reality of addictions. They equally affect pastors, college professors, nuclear engineers, medical professionals, soldiers, and other highly successful people of all backgrounds, races, and economic status. Rock bottom looks different for each individual and sadly it takes them going that far to see their need for help.

Grace, Grace, Where is NewSpring’s Grace? Perry Noble preached a lot about grace and NewSpring through his leadership has offered it to many. Perry’s firing may seem he is being shortchanged on grace. The program I managed was a Christian program, so any time we had to show tough love we were accused of not being very Christlike or our Christianity was questioned. This is where many people misunderstand addictions and treat it like other sins and other struggles. Soft love often leads to enabling addicts. Many families fall victim to this approach with their loved one who struggles with an addiction. Boundaries have to be set, accountability has to be put in place, and at times relationships have to either be cut off (a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing) or the relationship has to become very guarded. Those struggling with an addiction can use guilt and manipulation skillfully like Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron could hit home runs. Do you know where I saw the most success in recovery? When people came to our door saying, “I need help right now or I’m going to die!” They burnt every bridge. They didn’t have a wife to run home to, mom was no longer available to come pick them up if they got kicked out; it was just them and God. Typically they were 40+ years old and had grown tired of the life their addiction drove them to. The young guys who had not yet completely burned all of their bridges were the ones that had less success, because they knew when times got tough in the program they could make a phone call. Once again, this came as a result of their not truly seeing they had a problem. Once again, we cannot speculate about the details of the entire scenario surrounding Perry and NewSpring, but according to their statements, it appears they attempted to walk with Perry through this struggle for an extended period of time. That’s grace! They didn’t fire him immediately. We don’t know what that time frame of them walking with him looks like, it could have been 4 months or 12 months, but they did walk with him, and at some point boundaries have to be set and when changes are not evident, difficult decisions have to be made or else you only begin to enable the addict and that only helps set them up for more failure and struggle.

[tweetthis]Addicts can use guilt & manipulation skillfully, like Babe Ruth & Hank Aaron could hit home runs[/tweetthis]

Give Perry Some Time Off and Bring Him Back; They Shouldn’t Have Fired Him!: As Executive Pastor Shane Duffey shared along with the announcement, there are 5 stages everyone goes through when there is a loss. We sit behind our computer screens and feel like we have the best solution to their problem. This is called negotiation. Just as we cannot define what an addicts rock bottom looks like, we also do not know how severe a person’s addiction is and how long their recovery will take. Recovery is truly a lifelong process. There are 30 day programs, but based on the two statements it is evident that NewSpring attempted to walk with Perry for a longer period of time than 30 days. Time does not heal the addiction. The program I managed was a long-term, residential, 9 month program. Some programs go up to 12 months. These programs require the participants full attention and participation. They cannot work outside of the program and are given a full structure of counseling, recovery meetings, spiritual classes, and etc. to help them walk through the steps necessary to get the help they need. Some may say, all he needs to do is participate in a 12 step program. Once again, is he ready for this? Has he unprompted approached people and said, “I have an alcohol problem and I need help?” 12 step programs are not done in two months and then you’re miraculously healed! Once again, these things are a process. We hate seeing Perry be removed, so we want to rush his recovery, and armchair QB church leadership to say what they did was wrong. We don’t know how much time he needs, but there is a reason why there are weekly meetings (like Celebrate Recovery), 30 day programs, 6, 9, & 12 month programs. There is no magic time frame for someone to work through the issues they need to work through in order to get the help they need overcoming their addiction. We cannot, from the sideline, make definitive statements on how much time the church should have given him before allowing him to come back, partly because we don’t know what time frame they already gave him and what steps they asked him to take, before removing him as pastor. NewSpring and Perry know and that is all that matters.

[tweetthis]We hate seeing Perry be removed, so we want to rush his recovery, & armchair QB church leadership[/tweetthis]

Addictions are the Fever of the Flu: Perry’s problem is not an alcohol problem, just like a fever is not your problem when you have the flu. Your fever tells you there’s something else going on that needs healing. Alcoholism and drug addictions are the symptom to an inward issue that needs healing. When people are ready to deal with that heart issue they are ready to also eliminate the outward symptoms that we all see (drugs, alcohol, sex, food, shopping…all of which can be addictions). If Perry is not ready to open himself up to having these things exposed and dealt with, he’s not ready to give up those things we see on the surface. All of these things play a role in what is taking place in his life. Addictions destroy people and they destroy homes. We don’t know what kind of life his wife and daughter have been living because of this addiction. We don’t know how he has managed their finances, what decisions he’s been making, or how he has treated them. We don’t know to what extent the church had to step in to care for his family and to make a decision to protect them and the church. All we hear about is the symptom.

It’s confusing to us. People say things like, “A lot of people need to examine why they drink that extra beer or have that extra dessert to unwind from a stressful day!” Alcoholism and addiction isn’t the practice of having just one extra glass of wine or just one extra dessert to wind down from a stressful day, from time to time (it may be the starting point). It’s when dessert, wine, sex, shopping rule and reign your life. It’s when in the middle of the day you can’t go without a drink and it controls everything you do. This is why people don’t understand full blown addictions, if you have never experienced it, you can only relate it to something in your own life which you’ve seemed to manage or isn’t completely out of control.

NewSpring ChurchNewSpring Was Right: It’s horrible seeing Perry Noble removed as pastor of NewSpring Church, but NewSpring was right in how they handled this situation. It’s almost unbelievable. It’s crazy to think about. That’s what addictions do. That’s what allowing unresolved hurts, habits, and hangups to remain in your life lead to. It’s a hard, painful fall. 1 Timothy 3 says an elder’s life should be above reproach, he should exercise self-control, not be a drunkard, and be able to manage his own household well, among a much larger list of qualifications. According to NewSpring’s bylaws and 1 Timothy 3, Perry no longer met these qualifications, even after being given an opportunity to get help before these actions had to be taken. Leaders are held to a higher standard of responsibility, we all know what they are going into the gig, so these things do not catch Perry off guard. NewSpring extended grace by giving him the opportunity to get help, but in obedience to scripture and their own governing bylaws they could not allow Perry to remain in his position when according to scripture he no longer met those requirements, after apparently not taking corrective steps in his personal life.

Can you feel the frustration and desire to take control? You just wish someone could have convinced him to not give up so much for so little. Alcohol? Think how a mom feels who has begged her child to give up the drugs or alcohol to no avail. It seems so simple to us….just stop and everything will be okay! The problem is much deeper than that!

Our focus now should not be to use this opportunity, if you disagreed with Perry Noble’s methods to pile on him and spew disgust for him. We should not think of ourselves as being better than him, but should see him as being more significant than ourselves (Philippians 2:3-4). We should pray that God uses this opportunity to refine in him all that needs to be refined; to heal all that needs to be healed.  Pray that he truly sees his need for help and healing. This is the moment, we as the church and fellow believers in Jesus, the brothers and sisters of the Noble family, should pray for them, support them, and lift them up (Galatians 6:1). This is the moment we should not be second guessing NewSpring’s leadership, but also as their brothers and sisters in Jesus, we should pray for them, support them, encourage them, and lift them up. It will take a special leader to take over a church running 30,000+ people and they need wisdom to find that person.

Celebrate RecoveryCelebrate Recovery: If you struggle with your own hurts, habits, and hangups I encourage you to seek out Celebrate Recovery, a Christ-centered recovery group. Pastor, youth pastor, worship leader, church leader….someone outside the church. It doesn’t matter who you are, we all have or will have hurts, habits, and hangups and we all need healing. Online you can find a group near you, or if you are in the Augusta, GA/CSRA area, I personally recommend TrueNorth Church’s CR, and attend it as often as I am able to. At New Passion Church we consistently invite our people to their meetings on Tuesday nights, beginning at 7 PM. TrueNorth’s Celebrate Recovery is located at their Blok location: 1297 W. Martintown Rd., North Augusta, SC [MAP]. If you’re struggling with an addiction of any kind, please seek help!

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A Lesson from Granny’s House

HouseAs far back as I can remember, up to 16 years old, my parents took my siblings and me to Granny’s house to visit her. Boy was it was an event! We weren’t the only ones who made frequent, weekly visits to Granny’s; it was very, very, very rare that we’d be on one of our weekly visits, typically on a Friday or Saturday night, and my cousins not be there with my aunts and uncles. We didn’t have to wait for family reunions to see each other we practically grew up with each other. I learned many valuable lessons at Granny’s house, like what peer pressure and bullying looks like: My older cousins (primarily females) dressed me in girl’s clothes, put Lee Press On Nails [nostalgia] on me, put balloons up my shirt, and made me perform singing/dancing acts with them for my Granny and our parents. I am so thankful to God there was no such thing as social media or smartphones in those days, and yes, I’m still in therapy!

[tweetthis remove_twitter_handles=”true”]My older cousins dressed me in girl clothes, put Lee Press On Nails on me, put balloons up my shirt & made me perform[/tweetthis]

My Granny had a room she called “K-Mart” (K-Mart was the Wal-Mart of the early 80’s). She would find all sorts of “Blue Light Specials” [more nostalgia] throughout the year and would save them for Christmas gifts. Sometimes she’d surprise us and open K-Mart so we could get a toy to play with while we were at the house. More times than I can count my dad gave us a lecture on the way to Granny’s house, “Don’t ask your Granny for anything!” “Yes sir!” We would reply! It seemed so easy when it was only dad, but then you get to the house and all of those older, mean cousins pressure and threaten you, and it’s suddenly not so easy to just obey dad. Somehow I was always the chosen cousin ambassador sent out by the female majority ruled board of cousins to ask Granny if she would open K-Mart. It worked most of the time and all of the cousins would get a toy and everyone got to play with theirs; except me! I was typically standing in the corner for disobeying my dad and asking Granny to open K-Mart.

[tweetthis remove_url=”true”]I was the chosen ambassador cousin sent by the female majority ruled board of cousins to ask Granny if she would open K-Mart[/tweetthis]

I loved going to my Granny’s house and I miss having the opportunity. I didn’t love going because of her version of K-Mart. I loved going to simply be with and visit with my Granny. The bonus was being able to share so much life with my aunts, uncles and cousins; after all we were family and Granny was the reason. Granny’s life was rough; her husband, my grandpa and my mom’s dad was an alcoholic, womanizer, and abuser. My Granny’s health was not the best and we all knew that even at a young age, so we simply cherished being with her. Sure, as a child, I didn’t really have a choice whether I wanted to go to her house or not, but that didn’t matter, I WANTED to go. I never heard my siblings or cousins complain about having to be at Granny’s house. We loved it and I believe we cherished it.

[tweetthis remove_url=”true”]All the cousins got a toy & everyone got to play with theirs, except me! I was typically standing in the corner[/tweetthis]

As a pastor, my desire is for the church to be like going to Granny’s house. I desire to see Christians grow so in love with Jesus that being with him in his house is a joy and not a burden; where we want to visit with him. We had no obligation to be at Granny’s house so often; we wanted to be there. I spent several spring breaks out of school helping her clean out her refrigerator and doing work around the house that she was not physically able to do. I believe my parents consistently keeping me around Granny helped me develop my own love and affection for her where I wanted to serve her in any way that I could.I believe the same goes for us as Christian parents; the more we expose our children to being in the presence of Jesus, the more they will develop their own relationship with him and grow in their love and affection for him.

I cherished my time with my Granny and my hope for Christians is that we cherish our time with Christ. I’ve heard some say, “I don’t have to go to church to be a good Christian or to worship God!” I agree we don’t have to attend a church building to worship God, but I would disagree that we can neglect meeting with the whole church family and be a healthy, Christ-honoring Christian. 1 Corinthians 12:12-14 says, “For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit. For the body does not consist of one member but of many.” As Christians we can’t just say I’m going to meet only with Christ and I’m good. In that way, you’re only visiting with part of the body, not the whole thing. When we gather as a church, we are one body, joining together to enjoy Christ and each other. Just as my family gathered together to enjoy the presence of my Granny, that’s what the church is called to do as a family, gather to enjoy the presence of Jesus, together! It shouldn’t be out of obligation or duty, but upon knowing who Christ is and what he has done for us, our hearts should long to be with him, to enjoy him. In the same way we are called to enjoy our family and share life with them in the context of the church gathering; after all, together we all make the body whole!

[tweetthis remove_twitter_handles=”true”]We can’t just say I’m going to only meet w/Christ…you’re only visiting w/part of the body, not the whole thing[/tweetthis]

I’ve experienced the pressure of obligatory church attendance. I’ve heard many pastors butcher Hebrews 10:25. They paraphrase it by saying, “Forsake not the assembling of yourselves together!” I always thought that was the complete verse until I got older and studied it for myself. But they would say things like, “Forsake not the assembling of yourselves together….Now be here Sunday night and Wednesday night and be sure to be here Tuesday for this program and Thursday for another program, and our special dinner on Saturday….forsake not the assembling!” I had one pastor who told us to plan our vacations around Sunday so we didn’t forsake the assembling! Let me correct this poor handling of this scripture. Do I believe we should be faithful attendees to church? Absolutely! Do I believe it should be out of pressure or obligation? Absolutely not! I also don’t believe the church should feel as if they can over program their church and expect families to be at every program and when they don’t show up to every program, guilt them with a portion of a verse that says, “Forsake not the assembling of yourselves together….” If you’re attending church out of obligation, you’re attending for someone else and not out of your own admiration, worship, and joy for Jesus. I desire that Christians get to the place where they want to visit with Jesus and the whole church family

[tweetthis remove_twitter_handles=”true”]I’ve experienced the pressure of obligatory church attendance; I’ve heard many pastors butcher Hebrews 10:25[/tweetthis]

Hebrews 10:25, should actually be read as Hebrews 10:19-25 ESV, but for my post vs 24-25 will suffice: “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” What is the writer encouraging? He is encouraging a committed, consistent, and faithful gathering together to worship Jesus as a church family. The practice then was, as it is now, to meet together the first day of the week (Sunday) for a church service. The first day of the week has been set aside since the resurrection as a day of rest and worship. Does this mean you cannot miss a service? No. It doesn’t say that. It says “as is the habit of some.” The keyword is “habit“. There were some Christians as this was being written (and Christians today are the same way) that were not in the habit or had gotten out of the habit of meeting together for worship consistently; but it went further than just gathering together to worship; this is spelled out for us in verse 24-25 when he says, “let us consider how to stir one another to love and good works” “encouraging one another” as the last day draws near. I desire to see Christians want to gather together first to enjoy the presence of Jesus, because he is worthy and deserving of our love, affection, and attention. Your desire to be with Jesus will only grow out of your love for Jesus; your love for Jesus will only grow by spending time with him and discovering more of who he is.  But I desire so much more for Christians. I desire that they would want to gather together because we are family and our gathering is not just about us, but rather it’s about our brothers and sisters in Christ who need our spurring on to love and good works and who need our encouragement. In return, we need their spurring on to love and good works, as well as their encouragement. Just as our love for Christ will grow the more we are in his presence, our love for one another will grow the more we are in each others’ presence.

I loved my Granny, so I wanted to be with her. I wanted to be with my aunts, uncles, and cousins as well. I love Jesus and I want to weekly visit with him, as well as with my brothers and sisters in Christ. If you’re a veteran Christian who gets this, my encouragement would be to stick with it and don’t lose heart, don’t get out of the habit. If you’re a newer Christian who maybe attends your church once-a-month or once every three weeks, or less, my encouragement to you would be to start developing a habit of visiting with Jesus and your Christian family consistently and not to neglect this gathering together. You’ll fall deeper in love with Jesus the more you’re in his presence. You’ll grow deeper in your understanding of Jesus and you’ll grow in your faith. The deeper you fall in love with Jesus the more you’ll fall in love with your Christian family; it’s like a domino effect, one leads to the other.

[tweetthis remove_twitter_handles=”true”]My desire for Christians is that we grow in love with Jesus so much that being w/him in his house isn’t a burden….[/tweetthis]

Join the Conversation….What encouragement do you get from consistently meeting with Jesus and your church family?

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The Ricochet Effect

Christmas Story BB GunWe’ve all heard the saying that “wounded people wound people” and we’re typically best at identifying this behavior when a wounded person wounds us. It’s not so easy to identify when we’re the wounded doing the wounding. Right after Paul encouraged believers to have the same mind and attitude of Christ (Philippians 2:1-11), he calls them to continue obeying God, to work out their own salvation, and to refrain from grumbling and arguing. Why? VS 15 “that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world.” Paul was calling Christians to a life that was the opposite of the crooked and twisted generation; to a life that was different than the world, not the same! What is the Ricochet Effect? It’s when we allow the behaviors produced by the crooked and twisted generation to dictate our own behaviors and the direction of our own lives. Someone hurt you, so instead of remaining unblemished, you develop a critical spirit towards others. Someone betrayed you, so instead of remaining blameless you retreat into your own isolation reneging on your own commitments and promises to others. Someone abandoned you, so you abandon innocence and begin lashing out at others, controlled by anger. You’re wounded and you’re wounding, just as you were wounded but you don’t even see it! Fill in the blank____________ . What behavior from a crooked and twisted generation has been levied against you? How are you allowing it to redirect the direction of your life? How are you allowing it to control your own behavior? As Christians, let us react differently than the crooked and twisted generation (Philippians 2:1-18 ESV http://bit.ly/1ToaiVY)