Tag: Death

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A Few Thoughts Following the Death of Robin Williams

robin_williams

Just a few of thoughts I wanted to share, following the death of Robin Williams. Take them as you will.

Really, it’s okay to honor a man who we welcomed into our homes for over 30 years to entertain us, make us laugh, and bring a little bit of happiness to what can be a stressful, broken and sometimes sad world. Yes, there are millions of people who suffer from mental illness and who have died by suicide. No, we do not interrupt our regularly scheduled programming with breaking news to alert the world of their death. Why don’t we do this? Because we didn’t pay for matinees, a coke and popcorn to be entertained by their goofiness or to laugh at their jokes and antics. We didn’t rent their VHS’ and eventually their DVDs, or tune in to their TBS all day marathons. Does this make them any less important or valuable as people? Absolutely not! It just makes Robin Williams and others like him, different, and that’s okay. It seems like every time someone famous dies and are celebrated by the fans who enjoyed their art and craft reminisce about their life, the uptight purists start trying to guilt everyone else for honoring them while the millions who have died like them go unmentioned. Robin Williams was famous, worldwide, for more than three decades and though many of his fans never met him or knew him personally, they shared a connection to him through his characters. Do the millions actually go unnoticed though? When anyone receives a call about the death of a family member or friend, it interrupts all planned activities, it brings our world to a halting stop. Do these supposedly ‘unmentioned’ people not have funerals and memorials where their friends, family, churches, and communities remember them and honor their life? I believe it is safe to say that the celebration of life for those ‘unmentioned’ people, who are so often used as pawns for the drivers of guilt, is as big as their life was. As much as anyone is known, loved, and appreciated, they are missed in equal proportions, if not greater. Robin Williams was not perfect, we all know that, but he was known, loved and appreciated by many and therefore the mourning of his death and the celebration of his life is expressed by many.  So, if you need permission, here you go….Celebrate the life of great people who have brought happiness into your life and impacted for the good.

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Conversations with a Four Year Old

Gavin asked why a nurse came to our house the other morning, so Nicki was explaining to both Gavin and Tristan that the nurse came to do different tests so we could increase our life insurance.

Here’s how the conversation went (paraphrased):

Nicki: “If daddy died, life insurance would help pay to bury him.”

Tristan: “We can bury daddy in the backyard and pack the dirt down real tight so no one would see him”

He says he learned it in school!

I am glad my family has big plans for me when I die. I think I may go ahead and make Tristan the executor of my will, it sounds as if he will be frugal with what little money I am able to leave behind. 🙂

Join the Conversation. Have you had any interesting conversations with your children lately?

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What Can You Say?

coffinI’m learning a whole lot in this new role as a pastor.

I was called late Friday afternoon, by a guy who has been attending New Passion faithfully and who was a major part of a former student ministry where I served in a neighboring town.

His sister in law passed away suddenly from a virus a week prior and they asked if I would say a few words from a pastoral standpoint at a graveside funeral the next afternoon, that they were putting together for the sister-in-law’s family before they had to leave town. I agreed, but reluctantly because I’ve never “officiated” a funeral before.

The husband had no insurance, so they could not afford an elaborate funeral. Her family wanted  to cremate the body, but her husbands family wanted to give her as much of a proper burial as possible. They settled on a “Green Burial” where the casket and the body will return to the earth over a matter of time.

I did everything I thought I was supposed to do. I said everything I prepared to say; shared all of the verses that I thought were appropriate. I spoke with the family and did my best to console them and encourage them. But, something just felt weird. In the middle of the quick service, I felt empty. Although I was the one talking, it was as if I was not there, only looking in on the family that was staring at this mound of dirt, where the 24 year old daughter-in-law and wife was buried a day prior. My words rang hollow in my own head. I couldn’t help but to think that there was nothing I was saying that was making a difference. Sure you may be holier than me and say that Scripture always makes a difference, but I would beg to differ.

If I was standing at a grave site burying my 24 year old wife, I think in my devastation I would tune everything out. I know I probably said it 10 times that there was nothing I could say that would take the sting of this death away in that moment. I am not sure if it was even heard. Is there anything that can be said when a family is standing there soaked in their tears, dealing with such a great loss? I will forever hate doing funerals. I don’t understand how pastors can perform them as if they are another service. Though I have lost loved ones and I have been a Paul Bearer and attended many funerals the reality of death never struck me in this way before.

As I prepared to leave, the Mother-in-law walked to my car with me and talked with me further. Before I got into the car, she handed me a thank you card sealed in an envelope. I didn’t want to be presumptuous that they had given me any money, because that is not why I was there, so I didn’t even respond that they ‘didn’t have to do that’ as she gave me the card, in case it was just a simple ‘Thank you.’ They did give me a financial gift, but I’ve never felt so wrong about money in my life! Regardless of what that money is used for, whether bills or ministry or anything else, I cannot get over the fact that it required someone dying for me to obtain that money. It may seem simple for some, but two days later, I cannot shake that thought. As I drove away, I had the thought, “What can really be said in that moment of saying goodbye?” Do we really know? Or do we only pretend to know? Maybe I am weird, but this funeral was the toughest thing I have ever done.

Join the Conversation…What has your experiences with death and funerals been?

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Thought for the Day

I have been thinking about this verse a lot lately, not because of it being the Easter season and the natural reflection on Christ’s death, burial, and resurrection. I have been thinking about it before this past week. It puts Christ’s love for us into perfect perspective:

You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross. Philippians 2:5-8

I cannot count the times that I thought highly of myself, or I thought that I had accomplished something great. Yet, Christ had equality with God, he had divine privileges, and he counted it as worthless, because he valued loving us more! Verse 5 is the hard part, “You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.” That’s the verse that lets me know that I am not all that I think that I am at times!

Would I give up divine privileges for someone who would eventually murder me? Would I give up my position in a comfortable, perfect Heaven, and my equality with the Creator of the Universe? I wouldn’t, but Christ did. How can I even come close to that attitude? It’s possible through Christ, or we would not be told to do it, but that is a huge mountain to climb. I know one thing, it will humble us to realize we cannot accomplish such an attitude on our own, but it is through Christ that we can. How then can we think highly of anything that we do?