Family – Nickcarnes.com

December 16, 2020December 16, 2020

My First 40 Years

Today, is my 40th Birthday, which means I have actually completed 40 years of life. I was thinking the other day about some of the things I’ve learned so far, or some of the things I have grown to appreciate, so I thought I’d share some of them here with you.

Jesus is King. My life belongs to Him.
Salvation is by grace alone through faith alone in Jesus alone. Don’t allow people to trap you in legalism or in performance based religion.
My wife and children are the greatest earthly treasures God has ever given to me. I am a wealthy man because of them.
You must be friendly in order to have friends, but just because someone is friendly doesn’t mean they are your friend.
Actions DO speak louder than words. Show me, don’t just tell me.
The end goal is worth the hard work: I can only expect to receive what I put into something whether relationships, career, knowledge, etc.
Be who God created you to be. Don’t be a cheap imitation of someone else.
People will hurt you, but Jesus never leaves or forsakes you.
Forgive quickly. Forgive frequently. Forgive indiscriminately. Extend radical grace.
Always do the right thing, even when it doesn’t make sense or immediately benefit you. Both blessing and consequence are typically delayed.
Always remain teachable.
Find a mentor. Find a coach.
Don’t allow anyone to hold you back, not even yourself.
Not everyone will believe in you. That’s okay. You keep believing, and keep trusting the God who you belong to.
Family is your greatest priority. Family is your greatest ministry.
You won’t ever regret being generous and giving sacrificially.
True love is revealed in how you care for people who can’t repay you.
True character is revealed by what you do when no one else is watching.
Self-Righteousness is unappealing. It’s equally as unrighteous as the sinner you might look down on.
Every day is a gift. Not everyone has lived to 40. Not everyone is as physically able as God has allowed me to be.
It’s an undeserved blessing to live in the home God gave my family. I never take it for granted and remember it was given to us in His perfect timing. One month later, we couldn’t have afforded it. Not everyone has a roof over their head, A/C & Heat, a comfortable bed, clothes, or a pantry full of food. I am better off than my parents were when I was a kid.
God is sovereign.
God repays evil. You don’t have to.
You don’t need a lot of friends. One or two good ones will do.
Dream big.
Take risks.
Failure isn’t final. Dream big again. Take even more risks.
Choose to look for the positive in every situation.
Negativity is a poison to your soul and pushes people away.
God’s Word is absolute truth and will never lead you wrong.
Find a great spouse and fight for the success of your marriage.
Be honest.
Talk to God. He is present and He hears you.
“Keep it Kind.” – Kimberly Mullins. You can’t control other people, but you can choose to be kind.
I appreciate the Christian home and foundation given to me by my parents.
Don’t take people for granted, they won’t always be with you.
You are entitled to nothing. No one owes you anything.
As a Christian, remember what you owe God and how He saved you from it. Perspective changes our attitude.
Some things are worth fighting for, some are worth dying for.
I am saved to live for God’s Kingdom, not my own kingdom.
Our measure of success is obedience – Shane Padgett
Don’t take yourself so seriously.
There is always more to learn….

Join the Conversation: What are some valuable lessons you’ve learned in your own?

May 19, 2016May 19, 2016

A Lesson from Granny’s House

House As far back as I can remember, up to 16 years old, my parents took my siblings and me to Granny’s house to visit her. Boy was it was an event! We weren’t the only ones who made frequent, weekly visits to Granny’s; it was very, very, very rare that we’d be on one of our weekly visits, typically on a Friday or Saturday night, and my cousins not be there with my aunts and uncles. We didn’t have to wait for family reunions to see each other we practically grew up with each other. I learned many valuable lessons at Granny’s house, like what peer pressure and bullying looks like: My older cousins (primarily females) dressed me in girl’s clothes, put Lee Press On Nails [nostalgia] on me, put balloons up my shirt, and made me perform singing/dancing acts with them for my Granny and our parents. I am so thankful to God there was no such thing as social media or smartphones in those days, and yes, I’m still in therapy!

[tweetthis remove_twitter_handles=”true”]My older cousins dressed me in girl clothes, put Lee Press On Nails on me, put balloons up my shirt & made me perform[/tweetthis]

My Granny had a room she called “K-Mart” (K-Mart was the Wal-Mart of the early 80’s). She would find all sorts of “Blue Light Specials” [more nostalgia] throughout the year and would save them for Christmas gifts. Sometimes she’d surprise us and open K-Mart so we could get a toy to play with while we were at the house. More times than I can count my dad gave us a lecture on the way to Granny’s house, “Don’t ask your Granny for anything!” “Yes sir!” We would reply! It seemed so easy when it was only dad, but then you get to the house and all of those older, mean cousins pressure and threaten you, and it’s suddenly not so easy to just obey dad. Somehow I was always the chosen cousin ambassador sent out by the female majority ruled board of cousins to ask Granny if she would open K-Mart. It worked most of the time and all of the cousins would get a toy and everyone got to play with theirs; except me! I was typically standing in the corner for disobeying my dad and asking Granny to open K-Mart.

[tweetthis remove_url=”true”]I was the chosen ambassador cousin sent by the female majority ruled board of cousins to ask Granny if she would open K-Mart[/tweetthis]

I loved going to my Granny’s house and I miss having the opportunity. I didn’t love going because of her version of K-Mart. I loved going to simply be with and visit with my Granny. The bonus was being able to share so much life with my aunts, uncles and cousins; after all we were family and Granny was the reason. Granny’s life was rough; her husband, my grandpa and my mom’s dad was an alcoholic, womanizer, and abuser. My Granny’s health was not the best and we all knew that even at a young age, so we simply cherished being with her. Sure, as a child, I didn’t really have a choice whether I wanted to go to her house or not, but that didn’t matter, I WANTED to go. I never heard my siblings or cousins complain about having to be at Granny’s house. We loved it and I believe we cherished it.

[tweetthis remove_url=”true”]All the cousins got a toy & everyone got to play with theirs, except me! I was typically standing in the corner[/tweetthis]

As a pastor, my desire is for the church to be like going to Granny’s house. I desire to see Christians grow so in love with Jesus that being with him in his house is a joy and not a burden; where we want to visit with him. We had no obligation to be at Granny’s house so often; we wanted to be there. I spent several spring breaks out of school helping her clean out her refrigerator and doing work around the house that she was not physically able to do. I believe my parents consistently keeping me around Granny helped me develop my own love and affection for her where I wanted to serve her in any way that I could.I believe the same goes for us as Christian parents; the more we expose our children to being in the presence of Jesus, the more they will develop their own relationship with him and grow in their love and affection for him.

I cherished my time with my Granny and my hope for Christians is that we cherish our time with Christ. I’ve heard some say, “I don’t have to go to church to be a good Christian or to worship God!” I agree we don’t have to attend a church building to worship God, but I would disagree that we can neglect meeting with the whole church family and be a healthy, Christ-honoring Christian. 1 Corinthians 12:12-14 says, “For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit. For the body does not consist of one member but of many.” As Christians we can’t just say I’m going to meet only with Christ and I’m good. In that way, you’re only visiting with part of the body, not the whole thing. When we gather as a church, we are one body, joining together to enjoy Christ and each other. Just as my family gathered together to enjoy the presence of my Granny, that’s what the church is called to do as a family, gather to enjoy the presence of Jesus, together! It shouldn’t be out of obligation or duty, but upon knowing who Christ is and what he has done for us, our hearts should long to be with him, to enjoy him. In the same way we are called to enjoy our family and share life with them in the context of the church gathering; after all, together we all make the body whole!

[tweetthis remove_twitter_handles=”true”]We can’t just say I’m going to only meet w/Christ…you’re only visiting w/part of the body, not the whole thing[/tweetthis]

I’ve experienced the pressure of obligatory church attendance. I’ve heard many pastors butcher Hebrews 10:25. They paraphrase it by saying, “Forsake not the assembling of yourselves together!” I always thought that was the complete verse until I got older and studied it for myself. But they would say things like, “Forsake not the assembling of yourselves together….Now be here Sunday night and Wednesday night and be sure to be here Tuesday for this program and Thursday for another program, and our special dinner on Saturday….forsake not the assembling!” I had one pastor who told us to plan our vacations around Sunday so we didn’t forsake the assembling! Let me correct this poor handling of this scripture. Do I believe we should be faithful attendees to church? Absolutely! Do I believe it should be out of pressure or obligation? Absolutely not! I also don’t believe the church should feel as if they can over program their church and expect families to be at every program and when they don’t show up to every program, guilt them with a portion of a verse that says, “Forsake not the assembling of yourselves together….” If you’re attending church out of obligation, you’re attending for someone else and not out of your own admiration, worship, and joy for Jesus. I desire that Christians get to the place where they want to visit with Jesus and the whole church family

[tweetthis remove_twitter_handles=”true”]I’ve experienced the pressure of obligatory church attendance; I’ve heard many pastors butcher Hebrews 10:25[/tweetthis]

Hebrews 10:25, should actually be read as Hebrews 10:19-25 ESV, but for my post vs 24-25 will suffice: “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” What is the writer encouraging? He is encouraging a committed, consistent, and faithful gathering together to worship Jesus as a church family. The practice then was, as it is now, to meet together the first day of the week (Sunday) for a church service. The first day of the week has been set aside since the resurrection as a day of rest and worship. Does this mean you cannot miss a service? No. It doesn’t say that. It says “as is the habit of some.” The keyword is “habit“. There were some Christians as this was being written (and Christians today are the same way) that were not in the habit or had gotten out of the habit of meeting together for worship consistently; but it went further than just gathering together to worship; this is spelled out for us in verse 24-25 when he says, “let us consider how to stir one another to love and good works” “encouraging one another” as the last day draws near. I desire to see Christians want to gather together first to enjoy the presence of Jesus, because he is worthy and deserving of our love, affection, and attention. Your desire to be with Jesus will only grow out of your love for Jesus; your love for Jesus will only grow by spending time with him and discovering more of who he is. But I desire so much more for Christians. I desire that they would want to gather together because we are family and our gathering is not just about us, but rather it’s about our brothers and sisters in Christ who need our spurring on to love and good works and who need our encouragement. In return, we need their spurring on to love and good works, as well as their encouragement. Just as our love for Christ will grow the more we are in his presence, our love for one another will grow the more we are in each others’ presence.

I loved my Granny, so I wanted to be with her. I wanted to be with my aunts, uncles, and cousins as well. I love Jesus and I want to weekly visit with him, as well as with my brothers and sisters in Christ. If you’re a veteran Christian who gets this, my encouragement would be to stick with it and don’t lose heart, don’t get out of the habit. If you’re a newer Christian who maybe attends your church once-a-month or once every three weeks, or less, my encouragement to you would be to start developing a habit of visiting with Jesus and your Christian family consistently and not to neglect this gathering together. You’ll fall deeper in love with Jesus the more you’re in his presence. You’ll grow deeper in your understanding of Jesus and you’ll grow in your faith. The deeper you fall in love with Jesus the more you’ll fall in love with your Christian family; it’s like a domino effect, one leads to the other.

[tweetthis remove_twitter_handles=”true”]My desire for Christians is that we grow in love with Jesus so much that being w/him in his house isn’t a burden….[/tweetthis]

Join the Conversation….What encouragement do you get from consistently meeting with Jesus and your church family?

August 5, 2015August 5, 2016

Big News for My Family and New Passion

In 46 days there will be some big changes for my family and for New Passion Church. In 46 days, New Passion will have already celebrated our 6th birthday and as great of a milestone as that is, it’s been a long, tiring, challenging, yet rewarding 6 years. Although we knew the right answers and felt prepared mentally for the challenges of planting a church in a military and government community, it’s a whole new ball game once you actually put the wheels in motion. Within two weeks of our launch, we had two new families, who loved the church (and there wasn’t much to love back then), receive orders to move. Launching with 37 people, 16 of which were children, we needed people who agreed with our mission and loved our style of ministry to plug in with us early, but immediately we realized the challenges that would lie ahead of us in the years to come. It didn’t even take a month to realize theory and reality are two totally different things.

[tweetthis remove_hidden_urls=”true”]Theory and reality are two totally different things[/tweetthis]

The Struggle

Over the last 6 years, all of our leaders have either been volunteers or bi-vocational; meaning we’ve all been distracted from giving proper attention to the needs and demands of the church, because we have to pay bills and put food on the table for our families. Thankfully, God has given us great leaders, but that means in the business world they (including myself) are involved in high demanding jobs that take a lot of attention and require a lot of time. At times, this has only served to hinder New Passion. A big part of our struggles have been the lack of time and ability to train and develop new leaders and volunteers who can assist us in some of the everyday/every week ministry responsibilities, especially when we only have many of our people for a limited amount of time, before they’re shipped off. Without properly trained people, when things have to get done, it falls back on our shoulders. I cannot speak for the rest of my team, but for me personally, I am exhausted and I have decided I cannot pastor New Passion full time, take on additional roles we have not found qualified people for: Youth Pastor, Graphic Designer, Publications, etc, in addition to working a job that demands 45-50 hours per week while also having me on call 24/7. I can no longer work 5 days per week, full time, and then come home on Friday night mentally and physically exhausted, yet still have to stay up until 5 a.m. to write a message for Sunday and then with just a few hours sleep try to spend a little time with my family before working almost all night Saturday to make sure programs and everything are ready for Sunday. I can no longer require my children to sacrifice being children by not being able to participate in extra curricular activities with school and the community. Nicki cannot play the role of both parents for three children and get them to practices and games and recitals or whatever the event might be by herself, because I cannot be there due to an evening meeting, counseling session, or something else required of me as a full time bi-vocational pastor. I have been a poor leader for New Passion because I have been spiritually, physically, and relationally unhealthy, myself. My first ministry is not to the church, it’s to my family. So, I have had to pray about and make a decision for the future of my family and for New Passion. On one hand, I have a full time job that provides a majority of my income to provide for my family; I do ministry there and have had great success. On the other hand, I have a church that I felt God lead me to start; it’s been tough and it has struggled to get to a place where it can support staff; beyond a handful of leaders, there has been very little desire expressed by our people to make this a priority. It has not been an easy decision, but I have to put God and my family first.

[tweetthis]I have been a poor leader because I’ve been spiritually, physically & relationally unhealthy, myself[/tweetthis]

Moving On

I have made the decision to move on, in 46 days. My final day will be Sunday, September 20, 2015. This is the right decision, it’s the healthiest decision, and it’s the most obedient and faith driven decision. After September 20, I will no longer be the CSRC Manager at the Salvation Army. I have officially resigned and will be stepping out on faith by trusting God to provide for New Passion in such a way that I can focus full time on leading the church God called me to start. Without a full time pastor, the church will never become all God intended it to be. This decision is not being made independently, but rather through the guidance of our executive leaders and our pastoral advisory team. The decision was actually made over a year ago, but the finances were not there.

[tweetthis]I have made the difficult decision to move on, in 46 days. My final day will be Sunday, September 20[/tweetthis]

Permission to Go Second

The Carnes family is going first. This is the church we believe God called us to start and therefore if we are going to preach that we are called to live by faith, we must set the example by first living it. The biggest step of faith I ever took was to launch New Passion with $15,000 and 37 people, but now we are casting ourselves on the mercy and generosity of the very people God called us to lead. The finances are still not 100% where I would like them to be in order to make this move, but that’s why it’s called faith. If we are going to see our church go to the next level, this move has to be made. We are taking the first step of faith and hope it will spur you on, to go second. Many of you are generous and consistent givers. Thank you! You have been the catalyst to help us see hope in making this move through our growth. It’s you who are helping us lead people to a passionate relationship with Jesus! However, there are still many of you who have yet to take a step of faith for yourself. You either don’t give, you don’t give consistently, or you don’t give sacrificially and generously. When you give, you’re not giving to the Carnes family, although one of the responsibilities of the local church is to provide for their leaders. When we give, we are first giving to God and He distributes the money in the local church for the work of the ministry and the advancement of our mission. He does this through the church leaders He sets in place and He does this through the people by adopting our annual budget. The act of giving and the characteristic of being generous is an act of worship towards God, it’s also an act of faith and obedience.

One of the reasons I have been bi-vocational for the last 6 years was to prevent our family from being a burden to the church and handcuffing us financially from being able to do ministry, however I can no longer allow another person’s lack of faith or disobedience in generous giving to be an excuse to be disobedient myself by not taking the step of faith God has called me to. I am asking you to step out in faith with us. Start giving if you haven’t; give consistently if you’ve been inconsistent; give generously if you’ve been stingy. Am I asking you this because my family’s welfare is dependent on God through the church? No, I asked this of you when I had a paycheck coming in from an outside source. I’m asking you this because it’s spiritually healthy and right and it allows us to do even more ministry and eventually add even more staff to help lead us to become a great church. The responsibility of the church is to take care of their leaders; we are dependent on you following Jesus in your own personal life and taking the steps of faith He calls you to. Statistics show that a church should have one full time staff member per 86 people in attendance; therefore we should truly not be talking about adding one full time staff member, but two. When we don’t have the right people on the bus, we’re prevented from getting to where we should be; or we get there slower and with more bumps in the road. When we don’t have the finances to put fuel in the bus, we get nowhere!

Your Turn

When you use your gifts and talents to serve at New Passion, you make us stronger and healthier by helping take the load off of those doing too much. Listen to my sermon, Stagnant Cells, from a couple of weeks ago and then make a decision to do your part by serving in a ministry environment or on a service team.

You can help fuel the bus to help us get where God wants us to go, by making a commitment to give. You can start today through our online giving option. It allows for one time gifts, gifts by guest, and reoccurring giving. You can give at New Passion, on Sundays, by way of offering envelopes or through the Connection Point KIOSK. Every financial gift given to support the ministry and mission of New Passion Church is 100% tax deductible.

You play a much larger role in the local church than you think. You help make New Passion an awesome and effective church in Grovetown and in every place God has given us influence. Church is not about sitting in a seat, hearing a sermon, and going home. Church is about coming together to be encouraged, to be challenged, and to be an encourager before going home to live out your faith in the community and in your workplace.

[tweetthis]You play a much larger role in the local church than you think.[/tweetthis]

I am excited for the potential we have at New Passion and I look forward to being able to provide the full time care that it needs. I’m excited for this new season of life where I can also provide the proper care for my family, as well as for myself physically. I’m excited for us to work together to make New Passion all God wants it to be!

June 16, 2013June 16, 2013

A Day of Honor

Today is a Day to Honor….

It is a day to pause and to reflect on the goodness of God to give such a wonderful gift as a father. Not all men deserve this honor, but there are a select group of men that, although are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, strive hard and give their best to be a father, husband and man deserving of honor and respect.

Today, as I think about the many friends that I have who either lost their dad at an early age or was brought into this world by a man that may embody the term by gender but insults the very meaning of the word in deed and lifestyle, my gratitude to God increases for the dad that he allowed me to have and the time he has given me with him.

My dad is not perfect, but he is a man that deserves respect and honor. He helped lay so many of the stones that I now walk on as a foundation for my life. He modeled what it means to live a sacrificially for those that you love. That sacrifice may have embodied working multiple jobs to pay the bills or going without personally so that his kids could have what was needed, but whatever form it found itself in, it was modeled in quiet humility, never demanding or requiring gratitude or the slightest appreciation. If I had to describe my dad in two words it would have to be quiet and steady. He always just does what needs to be done. He has never been one to seek the spotlight or wanted to attract a lot of attention.

My dad is a man of conviction and integrity. In 2007, he ran for the U.S. Senate against Lindsey Graham and later the U.S. Congress. Some may have looked on in disdain or with a slight snicker under their breath because of the great odds that he was up against with a career politician. But, how many other men can say they had convictions about the way our country should be run and stood up to do something about it? Win, lose or draw…you can only make a difference if you get in the game…my dad got in the game and made his voice heard as loud as he could with as much platform as he was allowed to have. I always believed he had a chance to win!

There have been times in my lifetime that I have seen people rise up against my dad, falsely accusing him of things and trying to ruin his name, and while everything inside of me wanted him to fight against them and tell them how things really were, he was quiet and steady; just doing the right thing and not answering fools according to their foolishness (Proverbs 26:4).

My dad helped lay the stones of my faith and my involvement in the ministry. He didn’t look down on me because of my age, but he allowed me to serve in various roles as a young person and many times by his side on the Migrant Fields of South Georgia. It was through this exposure and this experience that I felt God calling me into full time ministry. My dad didn’t always just teach me what was right and wrong, but he challenged me to compare my own personal views to the teachings provided to us in Scripture. As I made a choice to walk away from some of the traditions I was raised in within the church (although I have never walked away from the faith), my dad stood by quiet and steady and allowed me to forge my own path for which God uses to this day. He never forced his opinions or his convictions on me, rather he allowed me to be led by God on the path he helped lay.

My dad taught me how to be faithful and committed to my family. To marry a woman that is better than the rest. He taught me on my first Christmas to take his better power drill back to the store and keep my wife’s crappy drill…he assured me things in the home would run much smoother if I did…so I did as he suggested.

I could go on and on and on about the lessons I have learned from my dad and the positive impact he has had on my life. Today, I am blessed that God, in his mercy, was so kind to give me a dad I could honor and be proud to call my own.

Today is a Day to Feel Honored…

Being a dad is a scary proposition. You’ve never been one until you’ve been one. Today, is a day that I get to pause and reflect on how blessed I truly am and how honored I am to be the dad to my three children: Gavin, Tristan and Hailey.

All three are unique in their own way, but they all make me smile and they all make me feel a little closer to God knowing how he must look down on us, his children, with joy, laughter and pride.

I am honored that many times as I walk towards the door to go to work, I can’t get there without all three of my kids tackling me, almost knocking me to the ground to make sure they hug me goodbye. I am honored that many times as I walk towards the door to come in to the house as I am returning for work I am greeted in the garage or in the doorway with their hugs and smiles greeting me from a long day a part.

I love the gift God has given me of fatherhood. I love chasing my children around the house and having pillow fights. I love having them beg to ride in my car home from church. I love knowing my kids love me and want to be a part of my life and want me to be a part of their life. What joy it is to be a father. I desire to be the kind of father that deserves respect and honor.

Being a dad is scary and there are always fears of screwing up and making the wrong choices or having to watch your child deal with the pain of their own bad choices. I am blessed and honored to have the greatest woman on the planet to be by my side and to forge this journey together. Nicki makes me a better man and she challenges me, whether I always admit it or not, to be a better man. I wouldn’t be anything my children deserve without her by my side. I hope that in the end, I will have impacted my children’s lives in the same positive way my dad impacted mine.

February 10, 2013February 10, 2013

Exciting News!!!

This Friday we close on a house in Grovetown!!! For over three years we’ve been praying for and looking for the right house in the Grovetown area, so we can be in the city where God has called us to serve in ministry through New Passion Church. Several weeks ago, I started specifically praying that God would bless us with a home in a specific neighborhood for two reasons: 1) Our kids are growing and our 1,100 sq. ft. home was closing in on us – I am not complaining about the house we are leaving, God blessed us with it as well and it served its purpose. We are blessed to have a roof over our head! 2) For ministry – The house gives me a larger office for New Passion meetings and work, it allows us to host families for dinner and New Passion events and it puts us in a strategic area for other ministry purposes. Gavin already has several friends in the neighborhood and it will be great to connect more with their parents and others in the area.

The funny thing is, we weren’t even really looking for this house. Nicki got an email alert for another house that hit the market in our price range, but we were told it immediately had an offer on it, so we found this one by God’s leading 🙂 Funny thing is, the other house went back on the market immediately after we signed our contract on this house which is a much better home.

How you can pray for us:

The loan has been approved, but it has been sent off to Atlanta as a part of the Georgia Dream program. The loan processor said this process can take up to 7 days which will land us right on our closing date. We are praying that everything is sent back before Friday so there are no issues.

This week will be busy as we pack and get ready to move this coming weekend.

I’m excited to be a true part of the area God has called us to serve in. I can’t wait to be neighbors with our people!