Tag: nick carnes

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A Day of Honor

The Carnes MenToday is a Day to Honor….

It is a day to pause and to reflect on the goodness of God to give such a wonderful gift as a father. Not all men deserve this honor, but there are a select group of men that, although are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, strive hard and give their best to be a father, husband and man deserving of honor and respect.

Today, as I think about the many friends that I have who either lost their dad at an early age or was brought into this world by a man that may embody the term by gender  but insults the very meaning of the word in deed and lifestyle, my gratitude to God increases for the dad that he allowed me to have and the time he has given me with him.

My dad is not perfect, but he is a man that deserves respect and honor. He helped lay so many of the stones that I now walk on as a foundation for my life. He modeled what it means to live a sacrificially for those that you love. That sacrifice may have embodied working multiple jobs to pay the bills or going without personally so that his kids could have what was needed, but whatever form it found itself in, it was modeled in quiet humility, never demanding or requiring gratitude or the slightest appreciation. If I had to describe my dad in two words it would have to be quiet and steady. He always just does what needs to be done. He has never been one to seek the spotlight or wanted to attract a lot of attention.

My dad is a man of conviction and integrity. In 2007, he ran for the U.S. Senate against Lindsey Graham and later the U.S. Congress. Some may have looked on in disdain or with a slight snicker under their breath because of the great odds that he was up against with a career politician. But, how many other men can say they had convictions about the way our country should be run and stood up to do something about it? Win, lose or draw…you can only make a difference if you get in the game…my dad got in the game and made his voice heard as loud as he could with as much platform as he was allowed to have. I always believed he had a chance to win!

There have been times in my lifetime that I have seen people rise up against my dad, falsely accusing him of things and trying to ruin his name, and while everything inside of me wanted him to fight against them and tell them how things really were, he was quiet and steady; just doing the right thing and not answering fools according to their foolishness (Proverbs 26:4).

My dad helped lay the stones of my faith and my involvement in the ministry. He didn’t look down on me because of my age, but he allowed me to serve in various roles as a young person and many times by his side on the Migrant Fields of South Georgia. It was through this exposure and this experience that I felt God calling me into full time ministry. My dad didn’t always just teach me what was right and wrong, but he challenged me to compare my own personal views to the teachings provided to us in Scripture. As I made a choice to walk away from some of the traditions I was raised in within the church (although I have never walked away from the faith), my dad stood by quiet and steady and allowed me to forge my own path for which God uses to this day. He never forced his opinions or his convictions on me, rather he allowed me to be led by God on the path he helped lay.

My dad taught me how to be faithful and committed to my family. To marry a woman that is better than the rest. He taught me on my first Christmas to take his better power drill back to the store and keep my wife’s crappy drill…he assured me things in the home would run much smoother if I did…so I did as he suggested.

I could go on and on and on about the lessons I have learned from my dad and the positive impact he has had on my life. Today, I am blessed that God, in his mercy, was so kind to give me a dad I could honor and be proud to call my own.

Nick and KidsToday is a Day to Feel Honored…

Being a dad is a scary proposition. You’ve never been one until you’ve been one. Today, is a day that I get to pause and reflect on how blessed I truly am and how honored I am to be the dad to my three children: Gavin, Tristan and Hailey.

All three are unique in their own way, but they all make me smile and they all make me feel a little closer to God knowing how he must look down on us, his children, with joy, laughter and pride.

I am honored that many times as I walk towards the door to go to work, I can’t get there without all three of my kids tackling me, almost knocking me to the ground to make sure they hug me goodbye. I am honored that many times as I walk towards the door to come in to the house as I am returning for work I am greeted in the garage or in the doorway with their hugs and smiles greeting me from a long day a part.

I love the gift God has given me of fatherhood. I love chasing my children around the house and having pillow fights. I love having them beg to ride in my car home from church. I love knowing my kids love me and want to be a part of my life and want me to be a part of their life. What joy it is to be a father. I desire to be the kind of father that deserves respect and honor.

Being a dad is scary and there are always fears of screwing up and making the wrong choices or having to watch your child deal with the pain of their own bad choices. I am blessed and honored to have the greatest woman on the planet to be by my side and to forge this journey together. Nicki makes me a better man and she challenges me, whether I always admit it or not, to be a better man. I wouldn’t be anything my children deserve without her by my side. I hope that in the end, I will have impacted my children’s lives in the same positive way my dad impacted mine.

 

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Why Does My Child ALWAYS Respond with, “Good”?

We’ve all been there. The kids climb into the car as we pick them up from school and our immediate question for them is, “how was your day at school?” And it seems to never fail, everyday, year-after-year we get the same response, “good.”

In his book, It’s Better to Build Boys than Mend Men, S. Truett Cathy addresses this predicament that all parents face almost daily:

I’ve read surveys that show how little time parents spend with their children, and I wonder how they expect to build relationships in just a few minutes a day. Many parents, including folks who work at Chick-fil-A, have a shortage of time with their families. That’s one reason why we close all of our restaurants on Sunday, so that families can be guaranteed at least one day a week together.

Knowing that time is tight and that you have only a few years to make the strongest positive impact on your children, don’t spend your precious family days on the golf course or watching sports on television all afternoon. Don’t consider watching TV with your children to be “quality time.” You may be in the same room, buy you’re not together. Participate in activities with your children. Play games together. Seek opportunities to be with them on their turf. Volunteer to coach their sports team, lead their Scout troop, or teach their Sunday school class.

Then communicate. But don’t expect them to share their feelings on your schedule. You have to wait patiently. When our children were young and I came home from work, I’d ask. “How are things?” They’d say, “Good.” And that was the end of the conversation.

I learned that when you talk to children, a conversation won’t happen when it’s convenient for you but when it’s convenient for them. You never call a child in and then say, “Well, let’s talk.” The child won’t have anything to say. But if you’re around children long enough, they’ll open up and start to share their problems or opportunities. When they do, you’d better stop whatever you’re doing to listen because the opportunity may not come around again for a while.

One weekend when our daughter, Trudy, was home from college, she told me, “Dad, the thing I remember most about you are the times you sat at my bedside and let me tell you all the things I did that day.” All the possessions we had shared with her-clothes, a car, a nice house to grow up in-were secondary to those times we spent together at bedtime talking.

Join the conversation…what has been your experience with engaging your child into conversation?

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Fatherless

I started reading, “It’s Better to Build Boys Than Mend Men” by S. Truett Cathy

Chapter One shares these disturbing facts about fatherlessness in the United States:

The Results of Fatherlessness:

The United States is the world’s leader in fatherless homes. The results of our actions, according to the Father’s Manifesto:

  • 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes
  • 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes (I personally see the results of this daily).
  • 80% of rapists motivated with displaced angers come from fatherless homes.
  • 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes
  • 85% of youth in prison grew up in fatherless homes
  • 75% of all adolescent patients in drug treatment centers come from fatherless homes (I personally see this manifest itself in adult males, daily)

Children from Fatherless Homes are:

  • 5 times more likely to commit suicide
  • 32 times more likely to run away
  • 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders
  • 14 times more likely to commit rape
  • 9 times more likely to drop out of school
  • 10 times more likely to abuse chemical substances
  • 9 times more likely to end up in a state-operated institution
  • 20 times more likely to end up in prison

When we hear or read ‘fatherless’ homes, we tend to assume that there is no father figure in the home, however Truett Cathy points out that many, “children all around us are growing up without strong positive guidance from their parents, who are busy, distracted, absent, or who choose to be buddies instead of parents to their children.” Some fatherless homes are homes with a disengaged father living in them. So, whether the father has left the home or is simply disengaged and still living in the home; a father’s choices and actions make a huge impact on his children.

Truett Cathy makes the following point, “Don’t be too concerned that your children don’t listen to you. But be very concerned that they see everything you do.” Mr. Cathy’s story is one of a disengaged father, but he had a Sunday School teacher that came along and provided a positive, father-like influence in his life that made a huge impact in his life.

In what ways do you as a dad need to engage your children in a positive, Biblical way to impact their future? Do you know of any children that have a disengaged or an absent father in their life that you can influence in a positive, Biblical way as a father-like mentor?

 

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The Two Faces of Leadership

Leadership Face One

Many of us have heard it taught that God ordains leaders and places them in their positions of authority and influence. I believe this.

A paraphrased look at the three most popular passages that we get this teaching from is…. Daniel 4:17, it tells us that, “the Most High rules over the kingdoms of the world and gives them to anyone he chooses, even the lowliest of men.” Romans 13:1 tells us that those in positions of authority have been placed there by God; and finally 1 Peter 2:13-14 tells us to respect all human authority…kings…heads of state…or officials….he has appointed.

This is one face of leadership.

As Andy Stanley shared at the Catalyst Conference several years ago. Leadership is a stewardship, it is temporary and leaders will be held accountable for the influence God has entrusted to us.

If God ordains one to a position of leadership, that leader should steward that influence well. Andy presented three truths as to how we can steward our influence as leaders well: 1) Diligence – As Colossians 3:23 instructs us, we should work at whatever we do (or are called to do) with all our hearts. 2) Fearlessness – The final statement given to us in Colossians 3:23 is this, as for the Lord and not for men. A leader can only lead well when his concern for disobeying God is greater than his fear of disappointing people. 3) Humility – God placed us in the positions that he has placed us in; therefore we have no reason and no room to be arrogant or prideful in our leading.

This part of leadership is what everyone talks about. But, what about the second part of leadership? The part that is implied but unspoken? The part that most overlook and never talk about?

Leadership’s Second Face

I know several people that have a history of leadership, but for some reason they are struggling to get hired as a pastor or a youth pastor or as a manager or in some other leadership capacity that they’ve served as in the past. They want to be leaders again, but the door is not opening.

I also know several people that have never been leaders that would probably chew off their right arm (or left, if they are right handed) to be placed in a leadership position. Several of the people I can place in this category have a misconception about leadership and it’s requirements. They see what they perceive as the “perks” of leadership, but they have no idea about the struggles, the pain and the difficulties that come with the position. They think a leadership title of director, pastor or manager will change their life. For some, it’s an issue of power and control. They fail to understand that Being bossy doesn’t make someone a boss.

If it is true that God appoints people to their position of leadership then it must also be true that God does not appoint some people into positions of leadership. This is another face of leadership. It’s a truth we don’t point out much.

But, it is healthy to point it out. People need to know that it is okay to serve in support roles. To be the associate or the assistant or even a volunteer. We glorify the leadership position too much, so much so that people want the glorification of the position. They think it will provide them more perks or more rights, whereas the truth of leadership remains that in positions of leadership our rights decrease while our responsibilities increase.

If one loves the organization that God has placed them in and they truly want the best for that organization, they will serve and support wherever the need is. Someone that’s out for their own glory, power, prestige and/or position will hinder the organization by attempting to force themselves into a position God did not appoint them to, or they will hijack progress by refusing to cooperate fully within the role God has placed them in. Colossians 3:23 and 1 Corinthians 10:31 applies to people filling support roles as much as it applies to those God has placed in leadership positions. With every verse that we are told that God appoints people to positions of leadership, we also get as much instruction (or more) to follow those leaders and to follow them well.

If I am not serving in a leadership position, does that mean God will never appoint me to a leadership position? No, but but there is the possibility that he might not. The question should be, “Am I willing to serve in whatever role God has for me?” If you are not in a leadership position and you are trying to get back into a leadership position or you are trying to obtain a leadership position for the first time, here are some ideas that may be of help to you:

  • Pray – Make your requests and desires known to God while you wait
  • Prepare – Everyone influences someone. Prepare for the possibility of assuming a future leadership position by developing your leadership skills with those God has allowed you to have influence over (family, children, etc.) How do you communicate to them? How do you develop them? Work on those skills.
  • Properly Support – Along the lines of preparing to be in a leadership position, how you support those in leadership positions go a long way to how you develop into a stronger leader. John Maxwell has a great article on “Leading from the Middle of the Pack” that gives great insight into this.
  • Patience and Flexibility – God places people into positions. If it is his desire for you to be there, he will place you there. God gave Joseph a dream that he would one day be in a leadership position, but it took him approximately 22 years to see that dream come to pass. But, what if God does not have a position for you? Remain flexible and fulfill your support role to the glory of God.
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At Least Thirty Two Reasons to Hate Red Kettles and Bells

It’s that time of year again!

All would be okay in the Christmas season if it weren’t for a little red kettle and a tiny annoying BELL! Oh, how I hate you tiny little bell.

You can’t enter your local mall, Wal-Mart or favorite grocery store without the constant ringing of the tiny annoying bell. Not even Quietus can cure the constant ringing from everyone’s despised Christmas bell. Therefore I’ve compiled a list of reasons to hate this Red Kettle and annoying tiny bell!

32 Reasons to Hate Red Kettles & Bells at Christmas:

  1. In 2012, at least Sixteen (16) men in the Augusta, GA CSRC (residential substance abuse rehab) Program placed their faith in Jesus for Salvation.
  2. In 2012, Sixteen (16) men graduated the Augusta, GA CSRC Program. Many of which now hold jobs, have reconciled with their families and have received a new start in life. That’s an increase of 267% from 2011.

At least 32 lives transformed through one program in 2012.

See. These bells lead to no good!

It’s all the bells and kettles fault! Ridiculous! All of the donations they receive by annoying people with ringing in the ears directly funds programs like the Augusta, GA, CSRC Program.

The CSRC Program is a gospel-centered, nine month residential substance abuse program for men. We do not receive government funding for this program, we only receive private financial support because we will not teach that hope is found in a “higher power,” rather we teach that hope is found in Jesus Christ alone. In order to keep the teaching of the gospel at the center of all we do, this program at the Salvation Army is funded 100% by private finances. So, when you endure the Christmas bell from Hell and you give a generous gift in the Red Kettles, you are directly involved in these lives that have been transformed and created anew in Jesus. You are helping do that!

More Reasons to Hate the Red Kettles and Bells 🙂

  1. Seasonal Employment: The Salvation Army is able to provide seasonal employment to individuals who are in financial need including the homeless and transients who are being provided some of the many Salvation Army services. Who are you impacting with your donation in the Kettle? Look at your bell ringer. You may be providing him the money he needs to extend his nights at the Emergency Shelter. You may be helping a single mom put food on the table for her children.
  2. Nightly Emergency Shelter for Transients and Homeless: Men who need shelter can receive 8 free nights in the Salvation Army’s overnight emergency shelter. After their 8th free night they can continue to stay for $7 per night (includes dinner through the soup line and breakfast). When you donate through a Red Kettle you are helping fund the shelter and when the bell ringer is a homeless or transient individual, you may be providing him an extended stay in the emergency shelter through his paycheck. The Augusta, GA shelter has an in-house professional counselor available to the men who frequently stay in the shelter to help assist them in getting off the streets and back into normal society again.
  3. Women and Children’s Shelter: The Salvation Army provides shelter for “in need” women and children and/or abused women and children for approximately 30-45 days. Social workers through the Salvation Army work tirelessly each day to help these families obtain permanent housing.
  4. Project Share and Other Social Services: The Salvation Army partners with Georgia Power, the United Way and other local agencies to help assist families who are struggling financially with utilities and rent. As the winter season approaches and utility bills go higher and higher, these services help assist families keep their power and heat on to provide a safe environment for their children.

So,  yes, those tiny bells can be annoying and we all get tired of fundraisers, but this is one opportunity that presents itself one time a year that you can look and see a difference. You can touch the difference through a handshake or a hug from a life that has been transformed. You can hear the difference in the voices of men who have overcome addictions and now teach Bible classes or in women who have come from the depths of despair and now live in a safe home with their children. The impact can be experienced through services provided by men who were once homeless but now are back on their feet and contributing to society once again.

It could be coins one day, a dollar the next; some have given large amounts and others through checks. With modern technology today gifts are given online, no matter how one chooses to give one thing remains true, people are different because of you!

*This is my personal blog. The views, opinions, and statements made within the blog do not reflect the views or opinions of the Salvation Army, they belong to me!*