My 17 Year Old Valentine

I asked Nicki to be my Valentine this morning. She said, “Yes!

This time it didn’t cost me anything.

It was a different story 17 years ago (as of Saturday, February 12). That time, it cost me a box of chocolates to get her to finally say yes.

It was the day of our Valentine’s Banquet (February 12) for the church we attended. We were not going to the banquet with each other, but I had my eye on Nicki for quiet a while. I was in seventh grade and she was in sixth at the time. My friend was ‘going out with‘ her best friend. That’s not why I liked Nicki, but it made things better. I asked Nicki to ‘go out with me‘ once already and she told me no, she liked some other boy in her class. Although they were not boyfriend and girlfriend. In fact, I don’t even think he liked her; I think he was still picking his nose and playing in dirt. So, I was down but not out.

Keep reading, this is an inspirational story that will make you want to keep believing when your backs against a wall and there’s nowhere to turn. They’ll make a documentary about this one day!

Someone in my class gave me a small heart shaped box of chocolates for Valentine’s Day. It had a furry, cute little creature on it. I didn’t like chocolates and I didn’t have any money, but I had just been given all the ammunition I needed to win Nicki’s heart. I quickly penned a note, as to why Nicki should be my girlfriend and ditch the other guy. At the end of school that day I gave Nicki the box of chocolates and the note asking her to be my Valentine and my girlfriend. And when all hope was gone…She said “Yes!

We were together for a little while, I’m not sure how many weeks or months, but at some point we broke up. I remember my friend broke up with her friend and so I broke up with her. It saved us a bunch of fighting over which friend was right. Remember: we were in 6th and 7th grade.

– – – 5 Years Later – – – I had just returned to the church & school where Nicki and I first met to finish up my Junior year in High School. When I first returned I actually had another girlfriend who was outside of the school. After several months, I broke up with the girl I was dating and was not really looking to date. I was content hanging out with my friends. At the start of my Senior year, Nicki and I shared a class or two with each other and would have small conversations here and there. She claims I told her I would bleed for creed (it was a promotion to give blood in exchange for Creed tickets) for her, however, I think one night while she was dreaming of me she dreamed that conversation.

A friend of mine heard that Nicki liked me and suggested I asked her to the infamous Valentines Banquet this church put on annually. I guess as cheesy as I thought it was, I have to be thankful for it as it has been pivotal in my relationship with Nicki. I asked her, in between her tears of joy she said, “Yes!,” and it was a date.

I got Chicken Pox. At 18. The Valentines Banquet was not happening. I was not going around my classmates looking like that. However, Nicki still wanted to go out with me (remember tears of joy) despite the fact that I looked like my face was about to fall off. So we went to Olive Garden. It was February 12. We had a good time, as much as I could get her to talk.

On the way home, I pulled over and reminded her that it was 5 years ago to the day that I begged asked her to be my girlfriend (and it cost me a box of chocolates) and that I would like for her to go out with me officially starting that night. Just call me a romantic, pre-planner. She said, “Yes!” and we’ve been together for 12 years (married for 10) since that night.

Hold on, I just realized, I guess this time it cost me a dinner at Olive Garden 🙂

So, when you feel that your dream guy or girl is out of reach, the moral of the story is, a box of chocolates with a cute furry creature, a dinner at Olive Garden and begging could land you a lifetime of bliss!

Happy Valentines Day to my beautiful valentine, Nicki, the one I was almost meant to be with!

Join the Conversation…Do you have any exciting Valentine Stories?

Pivot Points Part 2

On Monday, I posted about one of the pivot points that Nicki and I made in our marriage. As a result of our choice we’ve seen the fingerprints of God on our home time after time.

Today, my post is not about a pivot point as a couple, rather, a pivot point that I made as an individual before I got married. Couples make decisions and commitments together all the time. After all, when standing at the altar, the minister officiating a wedding asks for a commitment from the couple in order to fulfill the requirements of the ceremony. How many times has a couple made a vow and commitment to each other and it is broken? It happens all the time.

Commitments to each other will only be upheld if each individual makes a decision in their own heart that they will fulfill that vow.

PIVOT POINT #2: Established Boundaries

The song made famous by Top Gun says the following in some of it’s lyrics…

Revvin’ up your engine listen to her howlin’ roar
Metal under tension beggin’ you to touch and go

Highway to the Danger Zone ride into the Danger Zone

Out along the edges always where I burn to be
The further on the edge the hotter the intensity

Highway to the Danger Zone gonna take you
Right into the Danger Zone

Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins

A life and marriage without boundaries is a life lived on the edge, not begging to be in the danger zone, but already there!

This was a commitment I made BEFORE I got married. It is a commitment I would encourage any man or woman whether single, dating or engaged to make now. It is definitely a commitment that I would encourage any married man or woman to make if they have not already done so.

Who is this commitment made to?

  1. God
  2. Your (future or current) spouse
  3. Yourself

Shortly after I was married, someone (who will remain nameless), decided they would try to trap me and (I guess) test my commitment to my wife. This was back in the day when instant messaging was like today’s Twitter and Facebook.

I got a request from this “someone” and I didn’t recognize their user name. They posed as a UGA cheerleader and immediately started saying they noticed I was a Bulldog fan and liked certain things for which they had in common. The funny thing was, I did not post any of that information in my personal profile, so I immediately knew something was wrong.

I did two things. First, I contacted two or three people who I trusted and told them what was going on and that I had  suspicions that it was someone I knew. Secondly, I continued to lead this person on through the instant messenger to try and discover who it was that was trying to obviously hurt me and my reputation. This person was asking me to come see them at a Georgia game, for which I had never been able to go to, so I started talking a lot around people who I knew about trying to go to a Georgia football game.

Long story short…I don’t remember all of the details of how it happened, but I finally found out who was doing it and the situation was dealt with (like Jesus would have…maybe).

Sure, that was a softball, but even if they were not that bad at deception, and I did not have boundaries, I could have given into the temptation to meet-up with a Georgia cheerleader and my reputation, my character and my integrity would have been shattered. By the Way, when you are married to the sexiest woman on the planet, this is an easy temptation to overcome because no other woman can compare! 🙂

By passing this test and maintaining my character, when a “concerned” lady in my church several years ago ran into my mom-in-law in the store and tried to accuse me of “being in the car” with another woman. My mom-in-law (who is wonderful by the way) knew immediately that this woman was only trying to cause problems and get me in trouble. My mom-in-law also knew that I was currently working at a car dealership and it was my job to be in the car with all sorts of people who wanted to test drive a car. By the way, this car only had a dealer tag and a sales sticker in the window. The fact is, some people are just fools.

The Traffic Light

In the marriage course, a Biblical Portrait of Marriage, Bruce Wilkinson talks about the traffic light and how we all put off a signal.

  • The Red Light (meaning stop) signifies that “You” are not available.
  • The Yellow Light (meaning slow down)….well, I’m 30, my memory is slipping from me. Let’s just say it means you still don’t have proper boundaries.
  • The Green Light (meaning go) signifies that “You” are available.

The question you have to ask yourself as a married spouse is what signal are you giving others outside your marriage? How do you talk with those individuals? How do you exchange touches? What kind of compliments do you pay them?

If you have the proper boundaries, when others interact with you, they should not receive any sincere or false signals that you are remotely “available” to them.

I’ll post later about my personal boundaries that I have set…

Men and Women…Join the Conversation…Have you set boundaries as an individual for your relationship to your significant other? What are they?

My Sexy Wife is the Best

In 2 weeks Nicki will give birth to our 3rd (and final) child (barring a miracle), Hailey Elizabeth “Stallone” Carnes. For those who know me, you understand the Stallone. Anyway, this post is dedicated to my smokin’ hot wife, who I am blessed to be with.

She not only is fully pregnant and deals with two wild and crazy boys at home, but she also runs a business from home making purses and totes (Pursenickity), on top of keeping the house clean, having dinner ready when I get home from the office or the gym, laundry, the household accounting (she used to do that professionally), and so much more that I could list but you would not have time to read. I think you get my point. She is awesome and hot!

Join the Conversation! Today is your day to brag on your Spouse!