I don’t promote my own messages or sermons on my blog. It just feels awkward. However, this past Sunday, I shared a story of hate and murder that consumed my heart for almost two years. God freed me and gave me the power to forgive the person that had wounded me. Whether you are having trouble forgiving a spouse or a former friend or just an acquaintance in life, my prayer is that this message from our marriage series, I Do…Not Anymore, will bring you similar hope and healing.
180Weekend at TrueNorth Church Recap
I had the opportunity this weekend and on Wednesday to participate in a movement of God.
A couple of months back Adam asked my friend Shane to speak for TrueNorth Church’s 180 Weekend for their students. Shane was not able to speak because his student ministry at Greenbrier Church was also hosting a similar weekend with their students, but Shane gave Adam my name.
The Theme for 180 was Collide, so I went to their normal Element mid-week service to set things up and give a preview of the weekend. I left on Wednesday really impressed with the genuine worship from both the middle school and the high school, I also left feeling a little nervous. These kids are special and I felt like I may end up hurting what God was trying to do rather than help. After all, the previous two weeks have been CRAZY at home, at work and New Passion. I worked 52 hours the week before 180 at my normal job not including my second job pastoring New Passion and my primary job of husband and dad. I was facing 6 messages between Wednesday and Sunday, so I had no idea what to expect, and for most of the week I just wanted to just stop and shut my eyes. At times I didn’t feel like I had 100% to give this ministry and this special weekend. Of course, God is sovereign and he can use a donkey if he wants to, so I knew He was in control of the weekend.
I thought it was funny to learn that Cliff Jennings was leading worship. I have never heard of Cliff, so I had never met him, however, he is the Worship Leader at Stevens Creek Church in Grovetown. They meet just up the road from us, so here two Grovetown ministers were going to lead at TrueNorth (Come to find out his dad is Gene Jennings, the Executive Pastor at TNC). It’s funny how God puts things together. Let me add right here. Stevens Creek is blessed with a great worship leader, he’s almost as good as Jonothan 🙂 – I got to talk with Cliff for a little bit after the final session, he’s a great guy, and Stevens Creek is blessed to have him.
All I can say is I felt the presence of God strongly at the Blok. A few students shared with me a little of what God was speaking to them from the weekend. If God so chose to use my feebleness, I am truly blessed and thankful.
I have a special place in my heart for North Augusta. My wife and her family are from there, my kids spend the weekends at my mom-in-law’s house there, I lived there for a while, went to school and church over there, and I eat lunch there sometimes. I’ve heard for several years that God is doing something great through TrueNorth, and now I’ve experienced it first hand. I heard things continued over into the Sunday service as well. I cannot wait to watch and see what God does next as they prepare to move onto their new property and continue to take the gospel to the community.
I can only pray that God ignites a fire in New Passion as he has in TrueNorth. Their people are excited, passionate, and the love of Jesus flows through them. I know that God is using their pastor Steve and youth pastor Adam as well as their other leaders greatly. I hope God does the same in Grovetown through New Passion and Stevens Creek what he is doing through TrueNorth.
P.S. We have a bright future. I’ve had the privilege to meet, speak to, and hear from a lot of local students over the last 4+ years, and Jesus has won their hearts and they are going to transform this world like we’ve never seen before. I just know it!
My 17 Year Old Valentine
I asked Nicki to be my Valentine this morning. She said, “Yes!”
This time it didn’t cost me anything.
It was a different story 17 years ago (as of Saturday, February 12). That time, it cost me a box of chocolates to get her to finally say yes.
It was the day of our Valentine’s Banquet (February 12) for the church we attended. We were not going to the banquet with each other, but I had my eye on Nicki for quiet a while. I was in seventh grade and she was in sixth at the time. My friend was ‘going out with‘ her best friend. That’s not why I liked Nicki, but it made things better. I asked Nicki to ‘go out with me‘ once already and she told me no, she liked some other boy in her class. Although they were not boyfriend and girlfriend. In fact, I don’t even think he liked her; I think he was still picking his nose and playing in dirt. So, I was down but not out.
Keep reading, this is an inspirational story that will make you want to keep believing when your backs against a wall and there’s nowhere to turn. They’ll make a documentary about this one day!
Someone in my class gave me a small heart shaped box of chocolates for Valentine’s Day. It had a furry, cute little creature on it. I didn’t like chocolates and I didn’t have any money, but I had just been given all the ammunition I needed to win Nicki’s heart. I quickly penned a note, as to why Nicki should be my girlfriend and ditch the other guy. At the end of school that day I gave Nicki the box of chocolates and the note asking her to be my Valentine and my girlfriend. And when all hope was gone…She said “Yes!”
We were together for a little while, I’m not sure how many weeks or months, but at some point we broke up. I remember my friend broke up with her friend and so I broke up with her. It saved us a bunch of fighting over which friend was right. Remember: we were in 6th and 7th grade.
– – – 5 Years Later – – – I had just returned to the church & school where Nicki and I first met to finish up my Junior year in High School. When I first returned I actually had another girlfriend who was outside of the school. After several months, I broke up with the girl I was dating and was not really looking to date. I was content hanging out with my friends. At the start of my Senior year, Nicki and I shared a class or two with each other and would have small conversations here and there. She claims I told her I would bleed for creed (it was a promotion to give blood in exchange for Creed tickets) for her, however, I think one night while she was dreaming of me she dreamed that conversation.
A friend of mine heard that Nicki liked me and suggested I asked her to the infamous Valentines Banquet this church put on annually. I guess as cheesy as I thought it was, I have to be thankful for it as it has been pivotal in my relationship with Nicki. I asked her, in between her tears of joy she said, “Yes!,” and it was a date.
I got Chicken Pox. At 18. The Valentines Banquet was not happening. I was not going around my classmates looking like that. However, Nicki still wanted to go out with me (remember tears of joy) despite the fact that I looked like my face was about to fall off. So we went to Olive Garden. It was February 12. We had a good time, as much as I could get her to talk.
On the way home, I pulled over and reminded her that it was 5 years ago to the day that I begged asked her to be my girlfriend (and it cost me a box of chocolates) and that I would like for her to go out with me officially starting that night. Just call me a romantic, pre-planner. She said, “Yes!” and we’ve been together for 12 years (married for 10) since that night.
Hold on, I just realized, I guess this time it cost me a dinner at Olive Garden 🙂
So, when you feel that your dream guy or girl is out of reach, the moral of the story is, a box of chocolates with a cute furry creature, a dinner at Olive Garden and begging could land you a lifetime of bliss!
Happy Valentines Day to my beautiful valentine, Nicki, the one I was almost meant to be with!
Join the Conversation…Do you have any exciting Valentine Stories?
Pivot Points Part 2
On Monday, I posted about one of the pivot points that Nicki and I made in our marriage. As a result of our choice we’ve seen the fingerprints of God on our home time after time.
Today, my post is not about a pivot point as a couple, rather, a pivot point that I made as an individual before I got married. Couples make decisions and commitments together all the time. After all, when standing at the altar, the minister officiating a wedding asks for a commitment from the couple in order to fulfill the requirements of the ceremony. How many times has a couple made a vow and commitment to each other and it is broken? It happens all the time.
Commitments to each other will only be upheld if each individual makes a decision in their own heart that they will fulfill that vow.
PIVOT POINT #2: Established Boundaries
The song made famous by Top Gun says the following in some of it’s lyrics…
Revvin’ up your engine listen to her howlin’ roar
Metal under tension beggin’ you to touch and goHighway to the Danger Zone ride into the Danger Zone
Out along the edges always where I burn to be
The further on the edge the hotter the intensityHighway to the Danger Zone gonna take you
Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Right into the Danger Zone
A life and marriage without boundaries is a life lived on the edge, not begging to be in the danger zone, but already there!
This was a commitment I made BEFORE I got married. It is a commitment I would encourage any man or woman whether single, dating or engaged to make now. It is definitely a commitment that I would encourage any married man or woman to make if they have not already done so.
Who is this commitment made to?
- God
- Your (future or current) spouse
- Yourself
Shortly after I was married, someone (who will remain nameless), decided they would try to trap me and (I guess) test my commitment to my wife. This was back in the day when instant messaging was like today’s Twitter and Facebook.
I got a request from this “someone” and I didn’t recognize their user name. They posed as a UGA cheerleader and immediately started saying they noticed I was a Bulldog fan and liked certain things for which they had in common. The funny thing was, I did not post any of that information in my personal profile, so I immediately knew something was wrong.
I did two things. First, I contacted two or three people who I trusted and told them what was going on and that I had suspicions that it was someone I knew. Secondly, I continued to lead this person on through the instant messenger to try and discover who it was that was trying to obviously hurt me and my reputation. This person was asking me to come see them at a Georgia game, for which I had never been able to go to, so I started talking a lot around people who I knew about trying to go to a Georgia football game.
Long story short…I don’t remember all of the details of how it happened, but I finally found out who was doing it and the situation was dealt with (like Jesus would have…maybe).
Sure, that was a softball, but even if they were not that bad at deception, and I did not have boundaries, I could have given into the temptation to meet-up with a Georgia cheerleader and my reputation, my character and my integrity would have been shattered. By the Way, when you are married to the sexiest woman on the planet, this is an easy temptation to overcome because no other woman can compare! 🙂
By passing this test and maintaining my character, when a “concerned” lady in my church several years ago ran into my mom-in-law in the store and tried to accuse me of “being in the car” with another woman. My mom-in-law (who is wonderful by the way) knew immediately that this woman was only trying to cause problems and get me in trouble. My mom-in-law also knew that I was currently working at a car dealership and it was my job to be in the car with all sorts of people who wanted to test drive a car. By the way, this car only had a dealer tag and a sales sticker in the window. The fact is, some people are just fools.
The Traffic Light
In the marriage course, a Biblical Portrait of Marriage, Bruce Wilkinson talks about the traffic light and how we all put off a signal.
- The Red Light (meaning stop) signifies that “You” are not available.
- The Yellow Light (meaning slow down)….well, I’m 30, my memory is slipping from me. Let’s just say it means you still don’t have proper boundaries.
- The Green Light (meaning go) signifies that “You” are available.
The question you have to ask yourself as a married spouse is what signal are you giving others outside your marriage? How do you talk with those individuals? How do you exchange touches? What kind of compliments do you pay them?
If you have the proper boundaries, when others interact with you, they should not receive any sincere or false signals that you are remotely “available” to them.
I’ll post later about my personal boundaries that I have set…
Men and Women…Join the Conversation…Have you set boundaries as an individual for your relationship to your significant other? What are they?
Pivot Points
piv·ot point: The point at which something pivots, changes, or turns (my definition)
This Sunday we kickoff our new marriage campaign I DO…Not Anymore at New Passion. As I’ve been preparing for the messages I was thinking about some of the pivot points in my own marriage. Nicki and I got married young and we face our share of struggles, but by God’s grace we celebrated 10 years of marriage last November. Throughout this series I will post about some of these pivot points we’ve made that were positive moves in our marriage.
This first pivot point was a subtle change that we felt led to make early in our marriage but the results and benefits of this change have lasted us and have been experienced over and over throughout our marriage.
PIVOT POINT #1: Shifted from tithing on our net income to our gross income.
Money has never really been an issue of contention with Nicki and me (We’ve had short spats, but no big brawls). When we first got married we had plenty of money. We never questioned how we were going to pay our bills and the term “pay check to pay check” was foreign to us. We always had money in the bank, we had new(er) cars and a nice house.
But, everything has to change at some point right? The life of financial ease would not last very long.
We were giving a tithe to God. A tithe is 10% of the income God provides to us. However, we were giving a tithe on our net income, meaning that when we got paid we were giving Blue Cross Blue Shield their share first, the U.S. Government their share second, and then God 10% of what was left over.
We heard a pastor preach a message about the tithe being the first fruit and how it should be our response to God’s goodness to us. In worshiping God through our tithe our best would be giving back to him that first fruit from the total of what he has blessed us with. I had never really been taught what was what. I had friends who were giving their tithe after paying all of their bills. This message not only struck home with Nicki and me, but also with some of our friends.
Nicki and I decided that we were going to start worshiping God with our tithe from the gross of what he had blessed us with. Because symbolically, we wanted God to be first in our money and first in our home. This was the best way we could demonstrate this to God.
A Back Story – – – (I am not presenting a prosperity gospel) – – I believe when we did this God communicated something to us. Here’s how. I had a four wheeler that I bought but never got to ride. So, I placed it in the IWANTA to sell it. Several weeks had passed and I heard nothing. The day Nicki and I decided to start tithing on our gross (with the right motivations) I had a phone call from a guy wanting to see the four wheeler. The next day he was at my house looking at it. I tried to start it three times and it wouldn’t start. On the fourth attempt it started. The guy bought the four wheeler that day and didn’t even try to negotiate a lower price.
Does this mean that if we tithe on our gross or tithe at all that God will always act on our behalf and become our personal genie? No! In fact, the impression that I felt God was communicating to me at that moment was this, “If you put me first in everything, I will take care of you (not give me what I want).” Since that day, we followed through with our goal of having Nicki stay at home with the children (up until last year she started working part time at a gift shop). Honestly, we have faced some very dark financial issues since this pivotal day in our marriage. We have had challenges as a family. But God, has sustained us. Are we rich? By America’s standards, no. According to the world’s standards, yes! Do we have the nicest material possessions because of this pivot point? No. Do we have everything together as a family? Far from it. The reality is, this pivot point was not a magic pill to give us everything we wanted.
This pivot point was our communicating and committing to God that he was first in our marriage, our finances and in our home. Even when we didn’t have the money to pay the bills, we put God first. It has not always been easy. But there are undeniable, obvious finger prints of God on my household because he has taken care of us in good times and in bad.
In addition, because we learned these principles in our marriage, they play a huge role at New Passion as well. It was set in our DNA from the very beginning that we would put God first in the church’s finances by giving at least a tithe as a church to missions. God has honored this commitment.
Join the Conversation…Have you had to come to a pivot point in your marriage with God and finances?