Thoughts – Nickcarnes.com

December 16, 2020December 16, 2020

My First 40 Years

Today, is my 40th Birthday, which means I have actually completed 40 years of life. I was thinking the other day about some of the things I’ve learned so far, or some of the things I have grown to appreciate, so I thought I’d share some of them here with you.

Jesus is King. My life belongs to Him.
Salvation is by grace alone through faith alone in Jesus alone. Don’t allow people to trap you in legalism or in performance based religion.
My wife and children are the greatest earthly treasures God has ever given to me. I am a wealthy man because of them.
You must be friendly in order to have friends, but just because someone is friendly doesn’t mean they are your friend.
Actions DO speak louder than words. Show me, don’t just tell me.
The end goal is worth the hard work: I can only expect to receive what I put into something whether relationships, career, knowledge, etc.
Be who God created you to be. Don’t be a cheap imitation of someone else.
People will hurt you, but Jesus never leaves or forsakes you.
Forgive quickly. Forgive frequently. Forgive indiscriminately. Extend radical grace.
Always do the right thing, even when it doesn’t make sense or immediately benefit you. Both blessing and consequence are typically delayed.
Always remain teachable.
Find a mentor. Find a coach.
Don’t allow anyone to hold you back, not even yourself.
Not everyone will believe in you. That’s okay. You keep believing, and keep trusting the God who you belong to.
Family is your greatest priority. Family is your greatest ministry.
You won’t ever regret being generous and giving sacrificially.
True love is revealed in how you care for people who can’t repay you.
True character is revealed by what you do when no one else is watching.
Self-Righteousness is unappealing. It’s equally as unrighteous as the sinner you might look down on.
Every day is a gift. Not everyone has lived to 40. Not everyone is as physically able as God has allowed me to be.
It’s an undeserved blessing to live in the home God gave my family. I never take it for granted and remember it was given to us in His perfect timing. One month later, we couldn’t have afforded it. Not everyone has a roof over their head, A/C & Heat, a comfortable bed, clothes, or a pantry full of food. I am better off than my parents were when I was a kid.
God is sovereign.
God repays evil. You don’t have to.
You don’t need a lot of friends. One or two good ones will do.
Dream big.
Take risks.
Failure isn’t final. Dream big again. Take even more risks.
Choose to look for the positive in every situation.
Negativity is a poison to your soul and pushes people away.
God’s Word is absolute truth and will never lead you wrong.
Find a great spouse and fight for the success of your marriage.
Be honest.
Talk to God. He is present and He hears you.
“Keep it Kind.” – Kimberly Mullins. You can’t control other people, but you can choose to be kind.
I appreciate the Christian home and foundation given to me by my parents.
Don’t take people for granted, they won’t always be with you.
You are entitled to nothing. No one owes you anything.
As a Christian, remember what you owe God and how He saved you from it. Perspective changes our attitude.
Some things are worth fighting for, some are worth dying for.
I am saved to live for God’s Kingdom, not my own kingdom.
Our measure of success is obedience – Shane Padgett
Don’t take yourself so seriously.
There is always more to learn….

Join the Conversation: What are some valuable lessons you’ve learned in your own?

November 22, 2019November 22, 2019

The Bigger Problem with Chick-Fil-A

On Wednesday, I wrote the post, Oh, Chick-fil-A: The Outrage. So far, it has reached over 101,000 people, and it keeps going. That’s crazy! My intention was to share my thoughts with my small social media world. I had no idea it was going to travel as far as it did. Reading the feedback from some people in the comments section, as well as on Facebook and Twitter, I have seen the light! I now see the bigger problem with the Chick-fil-A controversy.

Today, I’m going to jump on the outrage train. I’m going to assume,
Chick-fil-A caved after 7-years of attacks from the LGBTQ+ community and their liberal political allies. It’s a shame, isn’t it?

Chick-fil-A, the last American, Christian hope against liberal bullies, trying to force Christians to accept their homosexual worldview. I am disappointed, almost to the point of tears, angry tears, that they failed me and Christians all over America. And, really all over the world, like in England, where they are being shutdown, after only 6-months because of these bullies.

So, my fellow disappointed, angry, and outraged Christian brothers and sisters, what should we do from here? How should we respond to their caving betrayal of our Christian principles?

I am brand new to this. After all, you know it was just on Wednesday that I told the world that I was not jumping on the outrage train, and look at me, just like Chick-fil-A, I CAVED! So, will you help the new kid on the train out a little bit? It appears, we’re looking at Chick-Fil-A as a person, a fellow flesh and blood Christian.

So, what do we do? Help me out!

Do we look to the Bible to pave the way for our response?
- I guess, we can look to Jesus, since He’s in the Bible. Is that okay?
Do we skip the Bible and just react with sheer emotion? After all, Chick-fil-A has wronged us personally!!!
What does this look like in the real world? Do we go to every comment section, Facebook post, news site, and make our voices heard? I got that impression from one of my own commenters, they said they were speaking out to let the company leaders know they are disappointed and not happy. One of my Facebook connections posted an article and then personally relished that it was “all going bad for Chick-fil-A!”
Hooray! My brothers and sisters. Let us rejoice that they are going to reap what they sowed (that’s from the Bible!) for betraying our Christian values and for caving. As others have said, “Now God will stop blessing them!”

Look at us Christians, standing so firm and yelling so loud at what we’re assuming is essentially a brother or sister in Christ falling and giving into the world’s ways. You know what I’m thinking? I’m thinking this will show “the world” — those liberals and LGBTQ+ advocates — that we don’t play. Our beloved Chick-fil-A caved, but WE WILL NOT! Well, I caved, but with your help, WE will not! If you want to be a part of Christianity, and you don’t act right and perform to our Christian standards, you have to go! There’s no room in Christianity for that kind of behavior. There’s no room in our faith for the weak spined, cavers.

THE BIGGER PROBLEM WITH CHICK-FIL-A
See, this is the bigger problem with the Chick-fil-A controversy. We’re so concerned with being right and for protecting a set of values, that we forget what we’re supposed to be about. We forget there’s a world looking in at what Christians and Christianity is all about. So far, what they have seen is (some) Christians who may profess the gospel, but their attitudes and their behavior is void of it. The biggest problem in the Chick-fil-a controversy is how Christians are acting toward a perceived wrong.

Here’s what the world sees: “If they will treat Chick-fil-A that way, how would they treat me?” “If Chick-fil-A did this one thing wrong, what if I get it wrong, is this what I can expect from the church?” And, they’ll just pass on God, Christianity, and the church.

You may dismiss me, but it’s true. Jesus told us this in John 13:34-35 “I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another. ³⁵By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” If it’s by our love that everyone (including the world) will know that we are His disciples, it is by our lack of love toward one another that we disconnect ourselves from belonging to Christ.

WHAT DO WE DO WITH CHICK-FIL-A?
If we’re treating Chick-fil-A like a fellow brother and sister in Christ, would Jesus go and publicly blast them for their wrong doing? Would he utilize social media to express his disgust at their sin? Or, to rally the family of God to boycott them? Would he send them hateful and unkind messages?

“If your brother sins against you, go and rebuke him in private….”
Matthew 18:15

It’s not an accident that Jesus also told us in Matthew 5:14, “You are the light of the world. A city situated on a hill cannot be hidden.” Christians are not hidden from the world around us, both for the good & the bad. Whether in unity or in disunity. In agreement and in disagreement. When we choose to express our disputes in the public eye and when we choose to express our disagreements or when we act as if we are relishing in the potential downfall of another, the world sees that and will make a decision about Jesus, based on our behavior. Jesus told us to go to one another in private.

So, let’s assume, Chick-fil-A caved and made a grave mistake. If this was a man or woman in your church, how would you handle it? How would you approach their failure? Maybe they relapsed into an addiction. Maybe they took their eyes off of Jesus and entered into an inappropriate relationship. Maybe they have become ensnared with pornography. You find out on a Sunday morning at church. What will you do? Will you go home and blast them on the internet? Will you go and tell the world how disappointed you are in them? Is that the instructions that scripture gives us?

“Brothers and sisters, if someone is overtaken in any wrongdoing, you who are spiritual, restore such a person with a gentle spirit watching out for yourselves so that you also won’t be tempted.”
Galatians 6:1

Christians, if you feel Chick-fil-A is wrong, where is your gentle spirit? Where is a genuine, PRIVATE attempt to make your disappointment and disagreement known, and then to seek restoration? What I see, sadly is the last part of verse 1 ignored: “watching out for yourselves so that you also won’t be tempted.” Paul doesn’t say you will be tempted with the same sin, as the fallen. It could be, but you may fall into other temptation. Maybe a temptation to be controlled by your emotions, or to become self righteous, or to cast judgement, or to act in a way that is void of love.

Carry one another’s burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. ³For if anyone considers himself to be something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. ⁴Let each person examine his own work, and then he can take pride in himself alone, and not compare himself with someone else.
Galatians 6:2-4

Instead of publicly opposing our brothers and sisters and instead of publicly expressing our disapproval and disagreements with them, what if we went to them privately? What if we asked how we can help them with their burden & the temptation to cave? Paul said YOU need to examine your own work. I need to examine my own work. We need to look in the mirror and be less concerned with Chick-fil-A, and more concerned with what we’re doing, or not doing. Does your life fully align with scripture to the place you can correct Chick-fil-A? Are you really in a place where you can say, “I can’t believe they caved!” Could Jesus say that about you? We should all be careful we don’t see ourselves as being better than Chick-fil-A, because we haven’t sinned as they have sinned (in our own mind).

LET’S BE HONEST
If we’re honest, here’s the problem. We often lack a true understanding of the gospel. If we don’t truly know the gospel, we can’t truly practice it. If the gospel isn’t inside of us, it won’t come out of us.

When we lack an understanding of the gospel and when we don’t live it out, we expect people to perform according to our standards. It comes from a works based theology. You have to perform a certain way to be accepted. You have to fulfill specific expectations to receive approval. This is NOT the gospel!

The gospel is that Jesus performed all that God required on our behalf so we can be accepted and saved. Jesus fulfilled God’s expectations so we could receive His approval. Jesus did everything for us, so we didn’t have to. We could never fulfill God’s requirements, no matter how hard we tried. A works based theology, disapproves of people when they don’t perform correctly. It rejects people because of their failures. The gospel teaches us that we are free to fail because Jesus succeeded on our behalf [tchividjian]. God doesn’t reject us when we get it wrong, he doesn’t relish in our demise because we made an unwise decision. God doesn’t toss us aside and declare He is finished with us when we sin against Him.

So, why would we, Christians do the same to Chick-fil-A? Some Christians are saying they “will NEVER eat there again, they are through with them!” After one decision. Really? Is that of Christ? Is that the gospel? Is sending local Chick-fil-A operators hateful and unkind messages, bringing stress and exhaustion to their family, of Christ? No, it’s not. It’s a works based theology, it’s not the gospel.

I am left to wonder if this is the experience people are having in our churches? Is Chick-fil-A just a public picture of the way fallen people are being handled within the walls of the church?

“…if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two.”
Matthew 5:41

How can you go the second mile for Chick-fil-A, right in the midst of your disagreement with them? How can you go the second mile to love and extend support to the local operators who are under attack from our own family? What if we allowed Christ and His gospel to drive us to do something different than the world? Different than the protesters and the advocates? Sure, privately e-mail and call the corporate offices, to express your disagreement and disappointment with them, if you feel they are wrong. But, what can you do to show the love of Christ in the midst of Chick-fil-A’s perceived wrong doing? How can you love those who are under attack, and are innocent of the decisions made by the corporate office? How can we be the light on a shining hill, showing the world that we, and the believers at Chick-fil-A, are truly Jesus’ disciples? That despite a difference, we will still live out the gospel and extend grace, forgiveness, and patience to them, even if we feel they don’t deserve it. After all, that’s what Jesus does for us. That’s how he first loved us.

May the true gospel guide our attitudes and our actions.

November 19, 2019November 22, 2019

Oh, Chick-Fil-A: The Outrage

I know people will disagree with me. I kind of count on it, especially after seeing the highly emotional, opinionated Facebook posts over the last 24 hours. Many of those posts have been by people I greatly respect. Don’t worry though, it won’t be the first time someone has disagreed with me. The good news is, I still respect those who I disagree with. Maybe they’ll return the favor!

I’m not jumping on the Outrage Train against Chick-Fil-A. I know, I know, I should, after all, they CAVED to the cultural pressures and the protestors that have hounded them for over 7-years, after the founder’s son, and company COO, Dan Cathy, made public comments supporting traditional, Biblically defined marriage. But, did they cave, really? If they caved, why did they wait 7-years to do so? Why not cave immediately, in the hottest part of the controversy? Why not cave two-or-three years after the protests began, especially once it was well known that the hate wasn’t going to stop?

Or, could Chick-Fil-A be telling the truth, when they claim that they are simply refocusing their charitable giving to three specific areas? And their support for the Salvation Army and FCA was not cancelled, but instead their long-term contracts had expired and they chose not to renew with those two specific organizations? Their tax statements show they had already given north of one million dollars to FCA and nearly $200,000 to the Salvation Army. But, I know what you’re thinking! “You mean, you want me to trust and give the benefit of the doubt to THE company that is known for being founded on Christian principles?” “The company that has weathered the protests and the hate for 7+ years?” “The company that still closes on Sunday (worldwide), even at the new Mercedes-Benz Stadium, in Atlanta, despite the huge financial loss to the company?” “What has Chick-Fil-A ever done that would lead us to do that?” Either character and reputation matter, or they don’t. Based on social media posts in the past 24-hours, I’m beginning to believe it is a lost value in our world.

EMOTIONS RULE THE DAY| HYPOCRISY AND DOUBLE STANDARDS
It’s interesting that my fellow conservative and Christian friends who have spent the last two years relabeling the news media as the, “lame stream media” and “fake news” would immediately jump to conclusions based on news headlines and media narratives. The same media organizations that have been accused of posting dishonest news about President Trump, Brett Kavanaugh, and other conservatives are going to determine the narrative for you when it comes to Chick-Fil-A?

Some of my friends and acquaintances are simultaneously posting articles and videos about the presidential impeachment hearings, saying everything is hearsay, lies, and made up reports, all the while parroting the same media when it comes to Chick-Fil-A. We want the facts to speak for the impeachment hearing, so why not for Chick-Fil-A?

Here are the facts, that we know:

No one from Chick-Fil-A has said they are pulling support from groups that support traditional marriage, and/or are anti-LGBTQ+
The media and opinion “journalist” from both liberal and conservative leaning media have created the narrative that they have pulled their support for groups that are anti-LGBTQ+ Those media groups wrote the narrative for you.
MOST of you had no idea these were two of the charity groups that Chick-Fil-A supported, until the news media told you, yesterday.
Chick-Fil-A has not said that it will not support other groups, in the future that support traditional marriage or that the media labels as anti-LGBTQ+
The media has wrongly labeled The Salvation Army as anti-LGBTQ+ and according to their own statement, they reject this label as well, offering services to anyone and everyone. This is 100% true. I worked there and had gay men participate in our CSRC Substance Abuse Rehabilitation Program. When I left, the shelter was creating ways to ensure transgender clients had safe sheltering within their emergency shelter. We served clients with HIV/AIDS, without discrimination. Individuals from all walks of life and all identifications were served through the Salvation Army’s programs. The media nor the Salvation Army can factually claim that’s the reason Chick-Fil-A reallocated their charitable funds.
All outrage is based solely on speculation about Chick-Fil-A’s motives versus verifiable facts.

DECEIVE, DIVIDE, AND CONQUER
We know that Satan’s first attack on God’s people was deception. He’s the master of twisting the truth into a lie. Do you know for a fact that the whole narrative against Chick-Fil-A was not an opportunistic attempt to finally cut the company down to its knees? Are you sure that as soon as the report was released about Chick-Fil-A’s changes in their charitable giving goals that the company’s enemies didn’t take the opportunity to divide their customer base against them?

It is plausible, based on the history of some media, and other advocates, that the report was released about Chick-Fil-A not renewing an expired contract with the Salvation Army and FCA, and the narrative was created that they were cutting ties with anti-LGBTQ+ groups. As the old saying goes, if you can’t beat them (with protests and boycotts), turn their supporters against them. Once again, Chick-Fil-A never gave this narrative as their reason for making changes to their support. They didn’t imply those reasons, or announce changes in their company values. So, who told you that? Some media organizations. Opinion journalists. And guess what, you bought it! You didn’t practice being quick to listen and slow to anger. You didn’t pause and wait to hear from the company that has earned the benefit of the doubt. You didn’t hold back your outrage until you read an official statement from the company that has a strong character. You based your opinion on what someone told you to believe about a reputable company. Is that the same methods you would want others to take when your character and motives come into question?

To date, nothing has worked to hurt Chick-Fil-A from the outrage mob…not this outrage mob, but the other one. So, why not divide and conquer? If that was their goal, they can consider themselves successful.

It’s the same attack I have heard conservatives claim the media uses against President Trump. If they can’t beat him, separate his supporters from him. Some of the same people who have made this claim and stand with iron clad support of President Trump, no matter what he does, now do the very opposite with Chick-Fil-A. Whose character should be questioned? Chick-Fil-A’s or theirs? Or, maybe yours?

SACRED COWS
What my fellow Christians and conservatives are saying is: Because the LGBTQ+ advocates don’t like specific organizations, and Chick-Fil-A has supported those organizations in the past, they are obligated to forever support those organizations, or they have caved to social and cultural pressures. Even though they supported them for several years, in total of over one million dollars.

At what point is Chick-Fil-A, a private owned company, allowed to refocus or reallocate their charitable donations, and not be considered caving? What’s your approved timeframe? Are they required to support those specific organizations indefinitely? I love when my freedom loving American citizens will question people trying to trample on their rights by asking, “Who are you to tell me how many and what kind of guns I can own?” “Who are you to tell me what I can and cannot say?” I love it! Well, who are you to say what charitable organizations Chick-Fil-A has to indefinitely support?

Maybe it shouldn’t come as a surprise that this mindset is coming from a lot of Christians. After all, it’s this very mindset that has many churches on the brink of death: “We’ve always done it that way!” “We’ve always had this program!” The minute a pastor or church leader sacrifices a sacred cow for the sake of church health or greater effectiveness in spiritual growth, they are accused of compromising and all sorts of other false motives.

I remember having to suspend a missions project where our church provided meals for under resourced children in our local area, through the public school system. It was a good program, but the ever increasing funds that it cost us to participate in that program handcuffed us from doing other important projects that directly affected the health of our church. Our motives of not caring for poor and hungry children were questioned at that time.
Churches do this all the time, however. A new church plant will seek support from other churches to help get them started. A church, like our own, may support that new ministry for one, two, or even three years. After that allotted amount of time, the support ends, and the funds are reallocated to other missions or ministry projects. It doesn’t mean the church doesn’t care about church planting anymore, but instead it means there are other projects and ministries that the church wants to be a part of. Or, there is a new focus they want to give their attention to.

LET’S BE REAL
As a former employee of the Salvation Army, it’s good to finally see some passion for the organization. I remember when the employees would work the Red Kettles, during the Christmas season. It was quite sad how many people would walk by the ringing bells and the red buckets, with no thought or intention of contributing their own money to the organization they are now so concerned about. Maybe this will inspire more participation?

How much have you given to the Salvation Army over the past 5-7 years? A quarter here and there in the red buckets? A dollar or two, if added up?
What has your personal contribution been to the success of the FCA? Feel free to Google the organization, I’ll wait here, until you get back.
The reality is, even Christians, the one’s yelling the loudest in outrage against Chick-Fil-A, are some of the biggest hypocrites when it comes to giving and generosity.
- For those who come from a faith tradition that teaches and believes in tithing, only 10-25% of Christians (who claim to believe in it) actually tithe.
- Religious giving, among “Christians” is down 50% since 1990.
- On average, Christians give 2.5% of their income to their local church. Christians gave an average of 3.3% during the Great Depression (for comparison sake).
Maybe we (Christians) should get our own hearts and charitable giving in line with scripture, before we tell a company what to do with theirs, or before we cast unfounded judgement on what has been one of the most charitable organizations and restaurants around.

It’s just like the people who want to tell the church how to spend money, but they never give any, or if they do, it’s less than the tip they leave a restaurant waiter, at a low-end diner. People love to yell when they don’t like what the church is doing, but they don’t participate in supporting the vision and the ministry. Now, someone creates a narrative about Chick-Fil-A, and suddenly everyone is the Salvation Army and FCA’s biggest fans. But, let’s be honest: Would your own personal giving and generosity towards those organizations reveal that you’re truly a fan, or are you just looking for something to be outraged about? Are you helping the opposition finally get their way with Chick-Fil-A?

Maybe, I’m wrong and you are right. I guess like many say with Kanye’s salvation, time will tell. I truly believe Kanye is saved and he’s showing it. In the same way, I truly believe many have bought into a false narrative about Chick-Fil-A and have tarnished the company’s character, with no facts. If they’re right, I’ll be the first to confess I was wrong. I wonder if all of the outraged former fans of Chick-Fil-A will do the same, if time proves them wrong?

July 11, 2016July 11, 2016

NewSpring Church, Perry Noble, and Addiction

Perry Noble - NewSpring Church

By now, you have probably heard the news that NewSpring Church removed Perry Noble as their Senior Pastor, effective July 1, 2016. NewSpring has provided the statement their pastors and Pastor Advisory Team wrote to their church, as well as Perry’s statement, he wrote to the church.

This post is not intended to speculate beyond anything NewSpring or Perry Noble has already shared with us concerning his removal. It is intended to provide some information on alcoholism and addictions that people seem to be fairly ignorant about and therefore expressing disagreement with NewSpring for removing Perry. Although addictions have touched virtually every family in one way or another, very few people truly understand the beast. This is why there are not only groups like Celebrate Recovery, AA & NA, but there’s also Al-Anon groups for families of those who deal with addictions. Al-Anon provides the family member support, as well as information about what their family member is struggling with. I don’t write to you simply from a pastoral background, but I write these things as a former manager of a long-term residential rehabilitation program. In my tenure as the program manager we made the gospel the center of all we did and as a result we saw the program increase its graduation rate by 360% as well as major improvements in relapse prevention (less people returning to the program). I will not approve any comments that attack Perry Noble as a man or as a pastor. We will offer love and support for Perry because he is a brother in Christ and has fallen. We will offer love and support to his family because they are sisters in Christ and are struggling. We will offer love and support for NewSpring because they are the bride of Christ and need his guidance at this time.

One of the biggest questions and/or statements I have seen from people who disagree with NewSpring’s removal of Perry is that they should have given him a couple of months off, given him a sabbatical, or something along those lines to get his act together and then allow him to return to his role as pastor of NewSpring. The second question against NewSpring is “Where is the grace?” or a straight accusation that they have not given him grace by removing him from his role as pastor. Here are some facts about addictions and how they work and why I support NewSpring’s decision 100%:

[tweetthis]Here are some facts about addictions and how they work and why I support NewSpring’s decision 100%[/tweetthis]

Perry Noble Must Go First: As elementary as it seems, Perry Noble cannot get help until he realizes that he has a problem with alcohol. According to both statements, it is apparent that the church attempted to help him for quite some time with no success. This may be because Perry was not ready to receive help. He may or may not be now. I remember years before getting into drug and alcohol rehabilitation, I went to my friend Lee, who was the director of our Celebrate Recovery and told him a family member needed help with drugs. His only question to me was, “Is he asking for the help or do you just see he needs help?” Some of may say that in his statement he has admitted to having a problem and is seeking Psychiatric help. I think this is great, but from my experience I would encourage you to allow time to tell. Many people who struggle with addictions will make similar moves because mom threatens to kick them out of the house, their spouse says they’re leaving, or their job threatens to fire them; it’s a reactionary move. It’s to show enough compromise to give the appearance of change, so they can maintain their addiction and keep the life they’re living. Until Perry (or anyone) sees for themselves that they have a serious addiction problem, he will not change or recover from his addiction. Many people have to hit rock bottom first.

You Cannot Define Rock Bottom for an Addict: You may say, “Being removed from the church you started 20 years ago and have had great success with (over 30,000 in attendance) is rock bottom!” I disagree, and once again urge patience. You would be amazed at what “rock bottom” looks like for some people. For some, it’s just the threat of having their family fall a part or the loss of a job. For others, it’s homelessness or a doctor telling them another sip of alcohol could be their last because their liver is so damaged from the abuse. We see a nice, clean cut, highly successful, smart pastor like Perry Noble and think his rock bottom would be a shallow fall, but you would be mistaken. My hope is that his fall is shallow and short lived, but I’ve seen the reality of addictions. They equally affect pastors, college professors, nuclear engineers, medical professionals, soldiers, and other highly successful people of all backgrounds, races, and economic status. Rock bottom looks different for each individual and sadly it takes them going that far to see their need for help.

Grace, Grace, Where is NewSpring’s Grace? Perry Noble preached a lot about grace and NewSpring through his leadership has offered it to many. Perry’s firing may seem he is being shortchanged on grace. The program I managed was a Christian program, so any time we had to show tough love we were accused of not being very Christlike or our Christianity was questioned. This is where many people misunderstand addictions and treat it like other sins and other struggles. Soft love often leads to enabling addicts. Many families fall victim to this approach with their loved one who struggles with an addiction. Boundaries have to be set, accountability has to be put in place, and at times relationships have to either be cut off (a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing) or the relationship has to become very guarded. Those struggling with an addiction can use guilt and manipulation skillfully like Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron could hit home runs. Do you know where I saw the most success in recovery? When people came to our door saying, “I need help right now or I’m going to die!” They burnt every bridge. They didn’t have a wife to run home to, mom was no longer available to come pick them up if they got kicked out; it was just them and God. Typically they were 40+ years old and had grown tired of the life their addiction drove them to. The young guys who had not yet completely burned all of their bridges were the ones that had less success, because they knew when times got tough in the program they could make a phone call. Once again, this came as a result of their not truly seeing they had a problem. Once again, we cannot speculate about the details of the entire scenario surrounding Perry and NewSpring, but according to their statements, it appears they attempted to walk with Perry through this struggle for an extended period of time. That’s grace! They didn’t fire him immediately. We don’t know what that time frame of them walking with him looks like, it could have been 4 months or 12 months, but they did walk with him, and at some point boundaries have to be set and when changes are not evident, difficult decisions have to be made or else you only begin to enable the addict and that only helps set them up for more failure and struggle.

[tweetthis]Addicts can use guilt & manipulation skillfully, like Babe Ruth & Hank Aaron could hit home runs[/tweetthis]

Give Perry Some Time Off and Bring Him Back; They Shouldn’t Have Fired Him!: As Executive Pastor Shane Duffey shared along with the announcement, there are 5 stages everyone goes through when there is a loss. We sit behind our computer screens and feel like we have the best solution to their problem. This is called negotiation. Just as we cannot define what an addicts rock bottom looks like, we also do not know how severe a person’s addiction is and how long their recovery will take. Recovery is truly a lifelong process. There are 30 day programs, but based on the two statements it is evident that NewSpring attempted to walk with Perry for a longer period of time than 30 days. Time does not heal the addiction. The program I managed was a long-term, residential, 9 month program. Some programs go up to 12 months. These programs require the participants full attention and participation. They cannot work outside of the program and are given a full structure of counseling, recovery meetings, spiritual classes, and etc. to help them walk through the steps necessary to get the help they need. Some may say, all he needs to do is participate in a 12 step program. Once again, is he ready for this? Has he unprompted approached people and said, “I have an alcohol problem and I need help?” 12 step programs are not done in two months and then you’re miraculously healed! Once again, these things are a process. We hate seeing Perry be removed, so we want to rush his recovery, and armchair QB church leadership to say what they did was wrong. We don’t know how much time he needs, but there is a reason why there are weekly meetings (like Celebrate Recovery), 30 day programs, 6, 9, & 12 month programs. There is no magic time frame for someone to work through the issues they need to work through in order to get the help they need overcoming their addiction. We cannot, from the sideline, make definitive statements on how much time the church should have given him before allowing him to come back, partly because we don’t know what time frame they already gave him and what steps they asked him to take, before removing him as pastor. NewSpring and Perry know and that is all that matters.

[tweetthis]We hate seeing Perry be removed, so we want to rush his recovery, & armchair QB church leadership[/tweetthis]

Addictions are the Fever of the Flu: Perry’s problem is not an alcohol problem, just like a fever is not your problem when you have the flu. Your fever tells you there’s something else going on that needs healing. Alcoholism and drug addictions are the symptom to an inward issue that needs healing. When people are ready to deal with that heart issue they are ready to also eliminate the outward symptoms that we all see (drugs, alcohol, sex, food, shopping…all of which can be addictions). If Perry is not ready to open himself up to having these things exposed and dealt with, he’s not ready to give up those things we see on the surface. All of these things play a role in what is taking place in his life. Addictions destroy people and they destroy homes. We don’t know what kind of life his wife and daughter have been living because of this addiction. We don’t know how he has managed their finances, what decisions he’s been making, or how he has treated them. We don’t know to what extent the church had to step in to care for his family and to make a decision to protect them and the church. All we hear about is the symptom.

It’s confusing to us. People say things like, “A lot of people need to examine why they drink that extra beer or have that extra dessert to unwind from a stressful day!” Alcoholism and addiction isn’t the practice of having just one extra glass of wine or just one extra dessert to wind down from a stressful day, from time to time (it may be the starting point). It’s when dessert, wine, sex, shopping rule and reign your life. It’s when in the middle of the day you can’t go without a drink and it controls everything you do. This is why people don’t understand full blown addictions, if you have never experienced it, you can only relate it to something in your own life which you’ve seemed to manage or isn’t completely out of control.

NewSpring Was Right: It’s horrible seeing Perry Noble removed as pastor of NewSpring Church, but NewSpring was right in how they handled this situation. It’s almost unbelievable. It’s crazy to think about. That’s what addictions do. That’s what allowing unresolved hurts, habits, and hangups to remain in your life lead to. It’s a hard, painful fall. 1 Timothy 3 says an elder’s life should be above reproach, he should exercise self-control, not be a drunkard, and be able to manage his own household well, among a much larger list of qualifications. According to NewSpring’s bylaws and 1 Timothy 3, Perry no longer met these qualifications, even after being given an opportunity to get help before these actions had to be taken. Leaders are held to a higher standard of responsibility, we all know what they are going into the gig, so these things do not catch Perry off guard. NewSpring extended grace by giving him the opportunity to get help, but in obedience to scripture and their own governing bylaws they could not allow Perry to remain in his position when according to scripture he no longer met those requirements, after apparently not taking corrective steps in his personal life.

Can you feel the frustration and desire to take control? You just wish someone could have convinced him to not give up so much for so little. Alcohol? Think how a mom feels who has begged her child to give up the drugs or alcohol to no avail. It seems so simple to us….just stop and everything will be okay! The problem is much deeper than that!

Our focus now should not be to use this opportunity, if you disagreed with Perry Noble’s methods to pile on him and spew disgust for him. We should not think of ourselves as being better than him, but should see him as being more significant than ourselves (Philippians 2:3-4). We should pray that God uses this opportunity to refine in him all that needs to be refined; to heal all that needs to be healed. Pray that he truly sees his need for help and healing. This is the moment, we as the church and fellow believers in Jesus, the brothers and sisters of the Noble family, should pray for them, support them, and lift them up (Galatians 6:1). This is the moment we should not be second guessing NewSpring’s leadership, but also as their brothers and sisters in Jesus, we should pray for them, support them, encourage them, and lift them up. It will take a special leader to take over a church running 30,000+ people and they need wisdom to find that person.

Celebrate Recovery: If you struggle with your own hurts, habits, and hangups I encourage you to seek out Celebrate Recovery, a Christ-centered recovery group. Pastor, youth pastor, worship leader, church leader….someone outside the church. It doesn’t matter who you are, we all have or will have hurts, habits, and hangups and we all need healing. Online you can find a group near you, or if you are in the Augusta, GA/CSRA area, I personally recommend TrueNorth Church’s CR, and attend it as often as I am able to. At New Passion Church we consistently invite our people to their meetings on Tuesday nights, beginning at 7 PM. TrueNorth’s Celebrate Recovery is located at their Blok location: 1297 W. Martintown Rd., North Augusta, SC [MAP]. If you’re struggling with an addiction of any kind, please seek help!

May 19, 2016May 19, 2016

A Lesson from Granny’s House

House As far back as I can remember, up to 16 years old, my parents took my siblings and me to Granny’s house to visit her. Boy was it was an event! We weren’t the only ones who made frequent, weekly visits to Granny’s; it was very, very, very rare that we’d be on one of our weekly visits, typically on a Friday or Saturday night, and my cousins not be there with my aunts and uncles. We didn’t have to wait for family reunions to see each other we practically grew up with each other. I learned many valuable lessons at Granny’s house, like what peer pressure and bullying looks like: My older cousins (primarily females) dressed me in girl’s clothes, put Lee Press On Nails [nostalgia] on me, put balloons up my shirt, and made me perform singing/dancing acts with them for my Granny and our parents. I am so thankful to God there was no such thing as social media or smartphones in those days, and yes, I’m still in therapy!

[tweetthis remove_twitter_handles=”true”]My older cousins dressed me in girl clothes, put Lee Press On Nails on me, put balloons up my shirt & made me perform[/tweetthis]

My Granny had a room she called “K-Mart” (K-Mart was the Wal-Mart of the early 80’s). She would find all sorts of “Blue Light Specials” [more nostalgia] throughout the year and would save them for Christmas gifts. Sometimes she’d surprise us and open K-Mart so we could get a toy to play with while we were at the house. More times than I can count my dad gave us a lecture on the way to Granny’s house, “Don’t ask your Granny for anything!” “Yes sir!” We would reply! It seemed so easy when it was only dad, but then you get to the house and all of those older, mean cousins pressure and threaten you, and it’s suddenly not so easy to just obey dad. Somehow I was always the chosen cousin ambassador sent out by the female majority ruled board of cousins to ask Granny if she would open K-Mart. It worked most of the time and all of the cousins would get a toy and everyone got to play with theirs; except me! I was typically standing in the corner for disobeying my dad and asking Granny to open K-Mart.

[tweetthis remove_url=”true”]I was the chosen ambassador cousin sent by the female majority ruled board of cousins to ask Granny if she would open K-Mart[/tweetthis]

I loved going to my Granny’s house and I miss having the opportunity. I didn’t love going because of her version of K-Mart. I loved going to simply be with and visit with my Granny. The bonus was being able to share so much life with my aunts, uncles and cousins; after all we were family and Granny was the reason. Granny’s life was rough; her husband, my grandpa and my mom’s dad was an alcoholic, womanizer, and abuser. My Granny’s health was not the best and we all knew that even at a young age, so we simply cherished being with her. Sure, as a child, I didn’t really have a choice whether I wanted to go to her house or not, but that didn’t matter, I WANTED to go. I never heard my siblings or cousins complain about having to be at Granny’s house. We loved it and I believe we cherished it.

[tweetthis remove_url=”true”]All the cousins got a toy & everyone got to play with theirs, except me! I was typically standing in the corner[/tweetthis]

As a pastor, my desire is for the church to be like going to Granny’s house. I desire to see Christians grow so in love with Jesus that being with him in his house is a joy and not a burden; where we want to visit with him. We had no obligation to be at Granny’s house so often; we wanted to be there. I spent several spring breaks out of school helping her clean out her refrigerator and doing work around the house that she was not physically able to do. I believe my parents consistently keeping me around Granny helped me develop my own love and affection for her where I wanted to serve her in any way that I could.I believe the same goes for us as Christian parents; the more we expose our children to being in the presence of Jesus, the more they will develop their own relationship with him and grow in their love and affection for him.

I cherished my time with my Granny and my hope for Christians is that we cherish our time with Christ. I’ve heard some say, “I don’t have to go to church to be a good Christian or to worship God!” I agree we don’t have to attend a church building to worship God, but I would disagree that we can neglect meeting with the whole church family and be a healthy, Christ-honoring Christian. 1 Corinthians 12:12-14 says, “For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit. For the body does not consist of one member but of many.” As Christians we can’t just say I’m going to meet only with Christ and I’m good. In that way, you’re only visiting with part of the body, not the whole thing. When we gather as a church, we are one body, joining together to enjoy Christ and each other. Just as my family gathered together to enjoy the presence of my Granny, that’s what the church is called to do as a family, gather to enjoy the presence of Jesus, together! It shouldn’t be out of obligation or duty, but upon knowing who Christ is and what he has done for us, our hearts should long to be with him, to enjoy him. In the same way we are called to enjoy our family and share life with them in the context of the church gathering; after all, together we all make the body whole!

[tweetthis remove_twitter_handles=”true”]We can’t just say I’m going to only meet w/Christ…you’re only visiting w/part of the body, not the whole thing[/tweetthis]

I’ve experienced the pressure of obligatory church attendance. I’ve heard many pastors butcher Hebrews 10:25. They paraphrase it by saying, “Forsake not the assembling of yourselves together!” I always thought that was the complete verse until I got older and studied it for myself. But they would say things like, “Forsake not the assembling of yourselves together….Now be here Sunday night and Wednesday night and be sure to be here Tuesday for this program and Thursday for another program, and our special dinner on Saturday….forsake not the assembling!” I had one pastor who told us to plan our vacations around Sunday so we didn’t forsake the assembling! Let me correct this poor handling of this scripture. Do I believe we should be faithful attendees to church? Absolutely! Do I believe it should be out of pressure or obligation? Absolutely not! I also don’t believe the church should feel as if they can over program their church and expect families to be at every program and when they don’t show up to every program, guilt them with a portion of a verse that says, “Forsake not the assembling of yourselves together….” If you’re attending church out of obligation, you’re attending for someone else and not out of your own admiration, worship, and joy for Jesus. I desire that Christians get to the place where they want to visit with Jesus and the whole church family

[tweetthis remove_twitter_handles=”true”]I’ve experienced the pressure of obligatory church attendance; I’ve heard many pastors butcher Hebrews 10:25[/tweetthis]

Hebrews 10:25, should actually be read as Hebrews 10:19-25 ESV, but for my post vs 24-25 will suffice: “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” What is the writer encouraging? He is encouraging a committed, consistent, and faithful gathering together to worship Jesus as a church family. The practice then was, as it is now, to meet together the first day of the week (Sunday) for a church service. The first day of the week has been set aside since the resurrection as a day of rest and worship. Does this mean you cannot miss a service? No. It doesn’t say that. It says “as is the habit of some.” The keyword is “habit“. There were some Christians as this was being written (and Christians today are the same way) that were not in the habit or had gotten out of the habit of meeting together for worship consistently; but it went further than just gathering together to worship; this is spelled out for us in verse 24-25 when he says, “let us consider how to stir one another to love and good works” “encouraging one another” as the last day draws near. I desire to see Christians want to gather together first to enjoy the presence of Jesus, because he is worthy and deserving of our love, affection, and attention. Your desire to be with Jesus will only grow out of your love for Jesus; your love for Jesus will only grow by spending time with him and discovering more of who he is. But I desire so much more for Christians. I desire that they would want to gather together because we are family and our gathering is not just about us, but rather it’s about our brothers and sisters in Christ who need our spurring on to love and good works and who need our encouragement. In return, we need their spurring on to love and good works, as well as their encouragement. Just as our love for Christ will grow the more we are in his presence, our love for one another will grow the more we are in each others’ presence.

I loved my Granny, so I wanted to be with her. I wanted to be with my aunts, uncles, and cousins as well. I love Jesus and I want to weekly visit with him, as well as with my brothers and sisters in Christ. If you’re a veteran Christian who gets this, my encouragement would be to stick with it and don’t lose heart, don’t get out of the habit. If you’re a newer Christian who maybe attends your church once-a-month or once every three weeks, or less, my encouragement to you would be to start developing a habit of visiting with Jesus and your Christian family consistently and not to neglect this gathering together. You’ll fall deeper in love with Jesus the more you’re in his presence. You’ll grow deeper in your understanding of Jesus and you’ll grow in your faith. The deeper you fall in love with Jesus the more you’ll fall in love with your Christian family; it’s like a domino effect, one leads to the other.

[tweetthis remove_twitter_handles=”true”]My desire for Christians is that we grow in love with Jesus so much that being w/him in his house isn’t a burden….[/tweetthis]

Join the Conversation….What encouragement do you get from consistently meeting with Jesus and your church family?