Fatherless

I started reading, “It’s Better to Build Boys Than Mend Men” by S. Truett Cathy

Chapter One shares these disturbing facts about fatherlessness in the United States:

The Results of Fatherlessness:

The United States is the world’s leader in fatherless homes. The results of our actions, according to the Father’s Manifesto:

  • 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes
  • 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes (I personally see the results of this daily).
  • 80% of rapists motivated with displaced angers come from fatherless homes.
  • 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes
  • 85% of youth in prison grew up in fatherless homes
  • 75% of all adolescent patients in drug treatment centers come from fatherless homes (I personally see this manifest itself in adult males, daily)

Children from Fatherless Homes are:

  • 5 times more likely to commit suicide
  • 32 times more likely to run away
  • 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders
  • 14 times more likely to commit rape
  • 9 times more likely to drop out of school
  • 10 times more likely to abuse chemical substances
  • 9 times more likely to end up in a state-operated institution
  • 20 times more likely to end up in prison

When we hear or read ‘fatherless’ homes, we tend to assume that there is no father figure in the home, however Truett Cathy points out that many, “children all around us are growing up without strong positive guidance from their parents, who are busy, distracted, absent, or who choose to be buddies instead of parents to their children.” Some fatherless homes are homes with a disengaged father living in them. So, whether the father has left the home or is simply disengaged and still living in the home; a father’s choices and actions make a huge impact on his children.

Truett Cathy makes the following point, “Don’t be too concerned that your children don’t listen to you. But be very concerned that they see everything you do.” Mr. Cathy’s story is one of a disengaged father, but he had a Sunday School teacher that came along and provided a positive, father-like influence in his life that made a huge impact in his life.

In what ways do you as a dad need to engage your children in a positive, Biblical way to impact their future? Do you know of any children that have a disengaged or an absent father in their life that you can influence in a positive, Biblical way as a father-like mentor?

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There’s Hope for a New Generation of Young People

Nicki was cleaning the house the other day and found a paper airplane one of the boys had made lying on the floor. As she went to put it into the trash can she noticed that it had writing on it, so she opened it up and found a note Gavin had written. Apparently, Gavin had a class assignment where he had to write a note which included all of his spelling words. Nicki showed me the note, I was totally amazed.

Gavin is 9 years old and is writing about God as if he has known him for 25 years. I wish I had this level of understanding about God when I was 9 years old and now that I am 31, I wish more adults had this level of understanding about God. I am biased being that I am Gavin’s dad, but I am proud of him that he would write something like this for school, but also because he seems to truly understand our God. I read this and immediately felt confident that there is hope for the upcoming generation of young people. May God continue to raise up a generation of young men and young ladies who will live gospel-centered lives for the glory of God.

Click on the image to enlarge it, if you still can’t read it, I typed the words out below and underlined his spelling words as they appear in the note.

CLICK Photo to Enlarge

 

I live in the state of Georgia where we lively honor God. He wants us to be honest. He will direct us away from evil. He is the direction. There is no doubt that he is good. He is not doubtful of people who worship him. I know he is good and not evil. He is not unknown he is known by people who love him. He can make me relive. He is living and there are statues of him, but we worship he himself. He is honorable. Honestly, I love him. He is my director. He will not indirect us, he is always leading us in the right direction. He is undoubted and always trusted. He gives us knowledge.

My favorite parts:

He is living and there are statues of him, but we worship he himself.
Honestly, I love him.

 

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Confessions about the Chaos

I was 5 seconds from confessing that I made a mistake in the way we did our stripped service today at New Passion.

But….I can’t confess making a mistake by being obedient to what I felt like God wanted us to do.

I felt God wanted us to do service the way we did service, so I have no apologies for that.

I found this statement by Perry Noble today as I was surfing through some of his old blog posts:

Leadership doesn’t mean we play it safe…it means we are the first to face our fears and embrace the unknown so that the path is cleared out for those who follow.

As the pastor I am always faced with an onslaught of two choices: 1. Obey or 2. Disobey. 1. Take risks or 2. Play it safe. 1. Do hard things or 2. Stick with what comes easy. And with each choice made, there is only one person responsible for making the right choice. Me. My leaders are responsible whether or not they follow well.

The service today was VERY unconventional for our church, but churches do “Family Services” all the time, while churches who have to meet in secret (I.E. Underground churches) consistently meet with the family together. BUT, here’s what I must confess….

  • I don’t completely think things through at times, so a couple of things caught me by surprise….
  • As a young child I attended service with my parents A LOT and I was taught to sit in a pew and listen or at least kneel in the pew and draw.
  • I never thought 15 kids would be running loose, I expected some noise and some movement, but I imagined kids would physically be with their parents (like our first family service last year).
  • Since I never imagined kids would be running wild, we didn’t have a plan in place to prevent that kind of chaos.
  • I am not convinced that my whole team was completely on-board with this decision, much less the entire church, I saw a few people VERY Uncomfortable, but that’s why I have to make these decisions. Some people may have enjoyed the chaos to try and ‘teach me a lesson‘ to not pull something off as crazy as this again. It’s clear to me everyone has not grasped the vision of what we are doing when they have to take a dismissive stance on what’s taking place. It’s basically saying, “Blame the pastor…don’t blame me!
  • So I did make a mistake and that was a lack of planning and a lack of instruction in the beginning to ask parents to keep their kids with them in their possession (part of my defense is being in the middle of the ocean without phone or internet access for the last 7 days).
  • Saying that, I am 100% happy we did the service the way we did it and I think it was the right thing to do!

So, we live and we learn on the rest of it :)

Here’s what I hope was the outcome of the service:

  1. I hope people were uncomfortable. Sometimes it requires us to touch the stove when it’s hot to believe we’ll get burned. Sometimes we have to ‘show’ people what we are talking about through the discomfort of reality.
  2. I hope everyone gained a new respect for the various children environments that we offer every Sunday morning and the “extra” elements that our team work hard to provide (I.E. Information banners and tables, Coffee and refreshments in the Cafe, Etc.)
  3. I especially hope that people grasp the vision that our PassionKidz environments are a huge tool both in leading children to a passionate relationship with Jesus as well as adults. This is why it’s important to have committed workers every week in these areas.
  4. I hope people understand that whether we are a huge crowd or a small group, we are missing the point if we walk away or send people away saying MORE about the band or the pastor or any other ministry environment instead of declaring, “The Lord- He is God!” (1 Kings 18:39)
  5. I hope people grasp the fact that outside of Jesus…everything else might be ‘good’ (Lights, Band, Graphics, Video, Etc.) but it’s not ‘essential.’

I am excited about the growth we’ve experienced at New Passion but I don’t want it to be growth  based on our talent alone, I want it to be growth produced by the Holy Spirit moving in people’s lives. Jesus calls us to a life of carrying our cross and yielding ourselves to Him and His way…that’s a very unpopular and uncomfortable message. Jesus had a lot of observers, but few engagers. I pray the Holy Spirit leads people our way who are willing to make Jesus their primary focus and will abandon comfort for the sake of the gospel. As David Platt says in his book Radical, Jesus Christ was the youngest minichurch pastor in history. Many liked the idea of being one of his disciples, but few were willing to pay the cost. As any pastor, I hope we continue to grow, but I hope it’s in a way that pleases the Lord.

So my prayer for New Passion is that we would be so in tune with the Holy Spirit and be so willing to allow him to have HIS way that our people and those who come through our doors will walk away saying, “The Lord – He is God!”

P.S. The Grove and The Ridge (and the Cafe) will be in full operation next week :)

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Kids and Cameras: Meet Gavin

Nicki found these video clips from Gavin the other day on her digital camera. I combined the two for Gavin’s first episode of G TV. Apparently, when we are not around he feels liberated to video whatever is on his mind. This may be fun in years to come?! :-)

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Family Adventures at 4 a.m.

tristan-sunglasses

Usually you wake up from a nightmare. Last night, I woke up and walked right into one.

I heard some scuffling in the hallway at 4 a.m. and that usually means that Tristan is awake and trying to covertly sneak into our bedroom to get into our bed. Last night, I think God woke me up, because He’s cool like that. Most of the time, Tristan wakes up because his covers have fallen off and he is cold. I can simply take him back to his room (usually from our bed), cover him up and he is fine until his covers fall off again. Last night was a different story.

I walked into the hallway and saw Tristan standing there with a puppy dog look on his face as if something was wrong. The hallway light was off, but the bathroom light was on, giving me just enough glimpse of his face. I said, “Hey buddy, what’s wrong?” Immediately, as I walked towards him I was hit with the worst poop smell I had ever smelled, so I knew he was awake because he pooped in his diaper. So, I asked the question I already knew the answer to, “Did you poopy your diaper?” As he replied with a ‘yes‘ nod, I stepped in something wet. I quickly turned on the light to see a trail of liquid poop all over the hallway floor, and I had stepped all in it!

Nicki is probably tougher than I am. She would have probably let me sleep and taken on the poop monster and his mess alone, but I could see that God was using this moment in our lives to help us build team work. It didn’t take me long to jump into the tub to wash off my feet and get Tristan situated on a towel before I called my teammate in life to give me a hand. I would have hated for us to miss out on this team building exercise straight from God himself! We quickly discovered Tristan’s adventure for us started in his bed with what appeared to be a nuclear explosion, leaked all across his carpet, and then downloaded into the hallway floor and trailed behind him as he made his way towards our room. I quickly became thankful that God #1 woke me up before Tristan made it to our room and climbed into our bed and #2 that we have hardwood floors in our hallway. Nicki and I were able to crawl back into bed around 4:45 a.m. this morning after a bath for Tristan, laundry for the sheets, covers, and towels; and a lovely adventure of cleaning up poop laden carpet and flooring. Why do these things happen when its about an hour to an hour and a half before its time to wake up? Why not midnight? When we have several more hours to sleep? I guess I’ll never understand the timing of the early morning family adventures!

Join the Conversation: What’s one of your favorite early morning family adventures?

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Happy Birthday Gavin!!!

gavin-incredible

My little “oldest” son Gavin turns 6 years old today! I must say that I am extremely thankful to God for giving Gavin 6 healthy years of life, for protecting him in ways we’ve known (through a horrible car accident 3 years ago) and in ways that we will never know. I am thankful that the Lord has given Gavin abilities that some children do not have as well as gifts and passions such as art, soccer, and doing anything creative that comes to his mind.

I love my boy. I love how he thinks he is strong enough to beat me up, how he helps his younger brother Tristan, how he hugs me in the morning, before he goes to school, before he goes to bed, and just because. I love that his way of showing me love sometimes is a drawing or doing something out of his passions and gifts. I love to watch him get excited about something and watch his words get scrambled trying to explain what he’s excited about. I love his faith and purity in believing that Iron Man would answer his invite to his birthday party. I love to hear him pray at meals and before bed, especially when he prays for the “sick, the hungry, and the poor” – I think you could understand that I could go on and on all day about all the ways I love Gavin, so I’ll stop here, however…

I have to admit that as I think about Gavin turning 6, it is a little saddening to me as well. I use to hate hearing adults say, “It seems like it was yesterday…” But, the fact is, that is reality, especially once you become a parent. Time flies by, years literally seem like days, and as I reflect back on 6 years with Gavin, I realize that the next 6 years will be here in what seems like a few days. If I had my way, I would not let him grow up anymore. Even though children are challenging to raise, I don’t want to lose what I have with my son where he is now. I will no longer have a 5 year old Gavin, and reality stinks sometimes!

So while I am joyful for the life my child has been blessed with and who he is as a person…I am a little disappointed that I no longer have him at 5. Happy Birthday Gavin!!!

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Perspectives

cereal_selection
I always find myself taking things in life for granted, or overlooking how blessed I am because of minor issues that I allow to be bigger than what they really are. I think when we start looking at things in their proper perspectives, we are able to see the truth of how blessed and how good many of us have it.

For instance, this morning I am standing in the kitchen drinking a glass of tea (the kind with no sugar in it) and taking my array of daily pills. We live in a small home (especially with 5 people) so the only place we can fit our cereal boxes are on top of the refrigerator. I just happened to look at them and think, “Wow, we have a lot of cereal!” But to really put things into perspective, we probably have more food just in cereal than many children do in a year in third world countries. Yet, my children will complain if they don’t get the cereal they like, or if we are out of their favorite kind. I wonder how excited the kids who barely have anything to eat would be to get just 1 box of cereal? I then got a little downtime (finally) today to go visit some other blogs, and I was given another perspective on my life…

The reason I have not had time to visit other blogs is because our stupid website hosting company (no names, 1&1) sent my wife’s domain name to be deleted instead of for transfer to another company, I guess that’s their way of saying, “We’ll show you to leave our company!” I spent a week and a half with their tech support, whom you cannot understand ( I think they are a mix of arabic and chinese) trying to get the domain name restored and transferred to the new company. Once that was complete, I have been trying to rebuild the site for her to get her business back up and running. My bed times this week have been, 1:30 am, 2:30 am, 3:40 am, and 3:50 am before getting up between 6:30 and 7:00ish to go to work. I thought my last couple of weeks were pretty bad, but then I was reminded of what my friends Dan and Stephanie Gould deal with constantly with one of their children, Jackson. They’ve been in the hospital 5 times since September due to a cesure condition their son has. Personally, I would take a crashed website and early mornings trying to fix it, than having to see my son helplessly deal with the issues Jackson does, and to have him subjexcted to the tests and the probes from the Hospitals. Dan and Stephanie are much stronger than me, and their story helps me realize that my life is not as bad as it may seem…it could always be worst! (I’m not saying they have a bad life, just that they are having to endure more than my situation with the website).

Join the Conversation: What helps you keep your life in proper perspective? How could the world be different if we all had the right focus?

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Conversations with a 2 Year Old

tristan-with-bow

…about “Onalds” (Translated: McDonald’s)

Everyday Nicki has to drive by McDonald’s to take Gavin to school…everyday Tristan begs to go to McDonald’s. McDonald is Tristan’s hero, he can be asleep and if we come within 3 miles of a McDonald’s his special radar goes off and he starts calling out for “Onald’s!!!” “Onald’s!!!”

The typical conversation goes like this…

Tristan: “Onald’s!!!”
Mommy: “No Tristan, we don’t have the money for McDonald’s”
(Repeat 10-20 times)

Today, this is how the conversation went at home…

Tristan: “Onald’s!!!”
Me: “What Tristan?”
Tristan: “Onald’s!!!”

As I looked down, Tristan was holding up a penny, asking to go to McDonald’s. Tristan always amazes us with his memory. If we tell him something, at two years old, it is seared into his brain…that’s why we make very little promises to him…he will hold our feet to the fire. Unfortunately, he does not have a perception of money, because a penny doesn’t buy anything, but he doesn’t care, for all he knows, it’s money and mommy never has enough to go to “Onald’s” – Today she is taking the boys for ice cream at Onald’s with Tristan’s penny. It truly was the most adorable thing I’ve seen in a long time! :)

Join the Conversation: What is the most adorable thing you have seen, besides my profile picture, lately? :)

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Conversations with a 5 Year Old (Part 5)

…about his hearts sin condition. Straight from a 5 year old’s mind and heart to his lips. (This conversation took place at MeMaw’s house)

Gavin: MeMaw!

MeMaw: What Gavin?

Gavin: (With hand placed over chest) I hate this sin in my heart

MeMaW: You hate the sin in your heart?

Gavin: Yes, how do I get rid of it?

MeMaw: You have to ask Jesus to get rid of it for you

MeMaw: How did you know about the sin in your heart?

Gavin: From 3D (Our children’s program at church for K-5th Grade)

As a parent I am excited to hear my son acknowledging the ‘sin in his heart‘ and even more his desire to get rid of it and to get it out of his heart…at the age of 5. I am reminded of what Proverbs 22:6 says about teaching our children the right things at a young age so they will stick with it at an older age. That is my daily prayer for my children…that they stay on the right path when Mom and Dad are not around.

I believe education, both secular and spiritually start at home, however I understand that we cannot expect to be the only voice in our children’s lives. That is why I am so thankful for the other voices in my children’s lives, such as 3D at TCAG, my mom-in-law, “Mr. Shane,” and many others who have taken a vested interest in my family. I appreciate my pastor pushing our children’s teams to provide environments that are second to none for the children in our church and the children in our community that have yet to be reached. Just a thought…don’t go at this parenting thing alone!

Other Conversations with a 5 Year Old Posts: Part 1Part 2Part 3Part 4

Join the Conversation: Any interesting conversations around your house recently?

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To Shoot or Not To Shoot

…That is the question and your opinion matters:

Our back screened in porch has been overtaken by Raccoons. We moved into a rental house from my aunt and inherited her cat, a pet door to the porch, and the big container of food that my aunt or her husband comes and fills up for that cat, however we attract other neighborhood cats, plus the raccoons. We have had around 4 raccoons overtake the porch, they range from larger adults, to smaller ‘pups,’ that whimper like little puppy dogs and would almost let you pet them if you tried.

Join the Conversation: Should I shoot the raccoons to prevent them from overtaking our porch? We have two little boys who play in the yard, and my fear is if the raccoon has rabies and bites the cat, the cat could bite the children and then we have a serious problem. We called the animal control department, but they have yet to bring a trap. What do you think? I am leaning towards protecting my children and sending the raccoons to their sandy graves, but of course I would put flowers on their graves.

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